Unorthodox (2003) - documentary 1:30

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Unorthodox (FULL MOVIE)

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1,637,159 views  Feb 13, 2018  #judaism #documentary #freemovie

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At sixteen, Anna Wexler had broken away from her Orthodox Jewish community in New Jersey, rejecting its religious doctrine and social restrictions, and severing ties to her family. This led to her running away from home, sleeping on the streets, and experimenting with sex and drugs with friends who had also left the Orthodox world.

 However, after studying in Israel, her friends had a change of heart and returned to the fold. Feeling betrayed, Anna launches a quest to understand their transformation by following three rebellious Jewish teenagers in their yearlong rite-of-passage journey from high school to Israel. Along the way, Anna is forced back to the roots of her own struggle to understand the meaning of faith and the essence of religion and identity.

#fullmovie #freefilm #documentary #freemovie #unorthodox #judaism

 

Unorthodox follows three teenagers navigating a year-long religious journey in Israel. The documentary explores their individual transformations amidst partying, religious studies, and self-discovery. This intimate portrayal offers a unique perspective on faith and identity.

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요약

이 다큐멘터리는 현대 정통파 유대교 공동체에서 자란 감독 안나 웩슬러 가 자신의 과거를 되돌아보고, 종교적 회의감으로 방황하던 세 명의 정통파 유대교 청소년들의 1년간의 이스라엘 여정을 추적한 기록이다. 안나는 16세에 엄격한 종교적 교리와 규칙에 반발하여 가족 및 공동체와 절연하고 거리에서 방황하며 마약과 성적 일탈을 경험했다. 그러나 이스라엘 유학을 다녀온 후 급격히 종교적으로 회귀한 친구들을 보며 배신감과 의문을 느끼고, 그 변화의 실체를 밝히기 위해 카메라를 들었다.

안나는 자신과 닮은 꼴인 세 명의 정통파 유대교 청소년인 시피 , 제이크 , 하임 이 고등학교 졸업 후 이스라엘의 종교 교육 기관 <Yeshiva / Seminary>에서 보낸 1년을 카메라에 담았다. 이 여정은 크게 세 단계로 나뉜다.

• 제1단계 (방황과 자유): 이스라엘에 도착한 아이들은 부모의 감시에서 벗어나 해방감을 만끽하며 밤새 술을 마시고 마약을 하는 등 방황의 정점을 찍는다.

• 제2단계 (지루함과 탐색): 파티와 유흥에 권태를 느끼기 시작한 아이들은 점차 종교 수업에 참여하며 자신들의 정체성을 깊이 고민하기 시작한다.

• 제3단계 (급격한 변화): 환경적 단절과 폴란드 수용소 방문 등의 강렬한 계기를 거치며, 청소년들은 급격히 정통파 종교인으로 회귀하는 <플리핑 아웃 / Flipping out> 현상을 겪는다.

몇 년 후, 시피는 이스라엘로 이주 하여 가정을 꾸리고 방황하는 유대인 소녀들을 가르치는 교사가 되었고 , 제이크는 미국으로 돌아와 종교적 규칙을 철저히 지키며 특수교육을 전공하는 아버지가 되었다. 도미니카계 유대인 정체성을 가졌던 하임 역시 미술 학교를 거치며 자신만의 독창적인 방식으로 종교를 깊이 수용하게 된다. 감독인 안나는 끝내 유대교 신앙을 회복하지 못하고 무신론자로 남았으나 , 이스라엘로 이주하여 정통파인 조부모와 교류하는 등 종교 공동체와 가족을 인간적으로 포용하고 화해하는 결말을 맞이한다.

평론

1. 경계 밖의 시선이 포착한 <플리핑 아웃>의 실체

이 다큐멘터리의 가장 큰 미덕은 내부자의 밀도와 외부자의 객관성을 동시에 확보했다는 점에 있다. 안나 Wexler 감독은 자신이 몸담았던 현대 정통파 유대교 공동체의 폐쇄성과 억압을 누구보다 잘 알고 있는 무신론자다. 그녀는 이스라엘 유학이 청소년들을 종교적으로 세뇌하는 랍비들의 획책일지도 모른다는 분노와 의심으로 촬영을 시작한다.

그러나 카메라가 포착한 <플리핑 아웃>의 실체는 강압적인 세뇌가 아닌, 고도로 설계된 환경적 격리와 청소년기 특유의 실존적 방황이 맞물려 일어나는 자발적 회귀다. 감독은 랍비들의 열정과 헌신을 인정하고, 아이들이 느끼는 종교적 충만함을 왜곡 없이 전달한다. 의심으로 시작했던 카메라는 방황하던 아이들이 종교라는 단단한 닻을 내리고 삶의 안정감을 찾아가는 과정을 담담하게 긍정하며, 다큐멘터리 본연의 정직성을 획득한다.

2. 세속과 종교, 극단과 극단의 기묘한 공존

작품 속 청소년들은 유대교의 엄격한 율법인 <샤바스 / 안식일>와 <코셔 / 식율법>의 세계에 살면서도, 동시에 마약, 혼전 성관계, 힙합과 락 음악이라는 세속적 유행의 최첨단을 달린다. 이 기묘한 불협화음은 정통파 공동체 내부에서 자란 아이들이 느끼는 인지부조화의 깊이를 대변한다.

시피의 인터뷰에서 드러나듯, 정통파 커뮤니티 내부에서는 아주 사소한 규칙 위반조차도 반역이자 범죄로 낙인찍힌다. 이러한 구조는 아이들로 하여금 '어차피 나쁜 아이가 된 바에야 끝까지 가보자'는 식의 극단적인 일탈(치사량에 가까운 마약 복용 등)을 부추기는 부작용을 낳는다. 역설적이게도 이 극단적인 일탈의 끝에서 오는 피로감과 허무함은 아이들이 다시 가장 안전하고 규칙적인 종교의 품으로 회귀하게 만드는 강력한 기제가 된다. 즉, 이스라엘에서의 방황은 종교적 귀순을 위한 거대한 통과의례 로 기능하는 것이다.

3. 신앙의 부재 속에서 피어난 인간적 화해

영화의 가장 감동적인 성취는 감독 자신의 변화에 있다. 안나는 세 청소년의 변화를 보며, 과거 자신이 가졌던 종교에 대한 분노가 어쩌면 청소년기의 유치한 반항심에 가려져 상대방의 진심을 보지 못하게 만들었던 장막이었음을 고백한다. 그녀는 친구인 알 의 비극적인 약물 과다복용 사망 사건을 겪으며 삶과 죽음, 그리고 인간을 지탱하는 신앙의 유용성을 한층 더 깊이 이해하게 된다.

그녀는 끝내 "나는 신이 믿어지지 않는다"고 말하며 자신의 무신론적 정체성을 고수한다. 그러나 동시에 이스라엘로 이주하여 정통파 조부모와 종교, 정치 이야기를 배제한 채 따뜻한 식사를 나누는 방식을 터득한다. 이는 신앙을 회복해야만 공동체와 화해할 수 있다는 종교적 도그마를 넘어선다. 신을 믿지 않더라도, 신을 믿는 나의 가족과 친구들의 삶의 방식을 존중하고 사랑할 수 있다는 <인간적 성숙과 공존>을 보여준다는 점에서, 이 다큐멘터리는 종교 영화를 넘어 뛰어난 성장 영화의 반열에 오른다.

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<Unorthodox>는 넷플릭스 드라마가 아니라, 유튜브에 올라온 다큐멘터리 <Unorthodox (FULL MOVIE)>의 전사본이다. 이 작품은 정통파 유대교 공동체 안에서 자랐지만 그 세계를 떠났거나 흔들리고 있는 세 명의 젊은이, Anna, Jake, Sippy가 이스라엘에서 1년을 보내며 신앙·가족·자유·정체성을 다시 묻는 과정을 따라간다.

<요약>

이 다큐멘터리의 중심 인물은 세 사람이다. Anna는 뉴저지의 정통파 유대교 가정에서 자랐고, 어릴 때는 토라를 공부하고 율법을 따르는 “완벽한 딸”이었다. 그러나 12세 무렵부터 신앙에 의문을 품기 시작했고, 16세에는 집을 떠나 거리 생활, 친구 집 전전, 마약과 성적 자유의 세계로 들어갔다. 그녀에게 정통파 세계는 보호와 억압이 동시에 있었던 곳이다. 그녀는 가족과 공동체를 벗어나 “규칙 없는 삶”을 경험하지만, 그 자유는 곧 혼란과 불안, 자기상실의 위험도 동반한다.

Jake는 정통파 가정 출신이지만 도미니카계 혈통을 자랑스럽게 여기는 인물로 나온다. 그는 정통 유대교 학교에서 적응하지 못하고, 반항적이고 유머러스하며 때로는 자기파괴적인 방식으로 공동체와 충돌한다. 그는 이스라엘에 오면 자신이 바뀔 수도 있다고 생각하지만, 동시에 자신은 신앙적 인간이 아니라는 감각도 강하다. 그에게 이스라엘의 1년은 회심의 장소라기보다, 가족과 학교와 랍비들이 자신에게 기대하는 변화를 시험하는 무대다.

Sippy는 가장 흥미로운 인물이다. 그녀는 한때 정통파 세계에서 벗어나고 싶어 했지만, 이스라엘에서의 경험을 통해 오히려 다시 종교적 삶으로 가까워진다. 옷차림, 샤밧, 기도, 랍비의 가르침, 예루살렘의 분위기 속에서 그녀는 “내가 진짜 원하는 삶은 무엇인가”를 묻는다. 그녀는 처음에는 율법을 억압으로 느끼지만, 시간이 지나면서 그것을 자기 선택의 질서로 재해석한다. 특히 라비 로런스 켈러먼의 책과 가르침은 그녀에게 신앙의 지적 근거를 제공한다.

작품의 구조는 세 청년이 이스라엘이라는 공간에서 변화하는 모습을 병렬적으로 보여준다. 이스라엘은 단순한 배경이 아니다. 정통 유대교 사회에서 이스라엘의 “갭 이어”는 일종의 통과의례다. 부모들은 자녀들이 이스라엘에 가면 다시 종교적으로 돌아오리라 기대한다. 그러나 실제 결과는 단순하지 않다. 어떤 이는 더 종교적이 되고, 어떤 이는 더 멀어지며, 어떤 이는 여전히 중간 지대에 머문다.

Anna는 결국 미국에서 MIT에 다니고, 과학 글쓰기와 영상 제작 쪽으로 나아간다. 그녀는 완전히 종교를 버린 인물이라기보다, 종교 공동체 밖에서도 자기 삶을 새로 구성하려는 인물로 그려진다. Jake는 변화와 방황 사이에 있다. Sippy는 결혼하고 정통파 생활로 더 깊이 들어간다. 마지막 부분에서 다큐멘터리는 이들의 변화가 단순한 “타락”이나 “회심”이라는 말로 설명될 수 없음을 보여준다. 청소년기의 반항, 가족의 기대, 공동체의 압력, 신앙에 대한 지적 의문, 몸과 성과 자유의 문제, 소속감의 욕망이 모두 뒤섞여 있다.

<평론>

이 작품의 가장 큰 장점은 정통파 유대교를 단순히 비난하지 않는다는 점이다. 다큐멘터리는 정통파 공동체의 억압적 측면을 분명히 보여준다. 특히 옷차림, 성별 규범, 샤밧 준수, 학교 규칙, 부모의 기대, 결혼과 순결에 대한 압력은 청소년들에게 매우 답답하게 작용한다. 그러나 동시에 작품은 그 공동체가 가족성, 질서, 정체성, 안정감, 영적 의미를 제공한다는 사실도 숨기지 않는다.

이 점에서 <Unorthodox>는 “종교에서 탈출한 젊은이들의 이야기”만은 아니다. 더 정확히 말하면, <전통 공동체 안에서 자란 젊은이들이 근대적 개인이 되는 과정의 고통>을 다룬 작품이다. 자유는 해방이지만, 동시에 방향 상실이기도 하다. 규칙은 억압이지만, 동시에 삶을 지탱하는 구조이기도 하다. 이 다큐멘터리는 바로 이 양면성을 잘 포착한다.

Anna의 경우가 그렇다. 그녀는 집을 떠남으로써 자유를 얻지만, 그 자유는 곧 거리 생활, 마약, 불안, 관계의 불안정성으로 이어진다. 작품은 그녀를 “해방된 여성”으로만 그리지 않는다. 그녀는 자유를 얻었지만, 그 자유를 감당할 내적 구조를 새로 만들어야 하는 사람이다. 이것은 종교를 떠난 모든 사람에게 중요한 문제다. 공동체를 벗어나는 것은 시작일 뿐, 그 다음에는 “무엇으로 살 것인가”라는 더 어려운 질문이 남는다.

Sippy의 변화는 더 복잡하다. 현대적 세속주의 관점에서는 그녀가 다시 정통파로 돌아가는 것이 후퇴처럼 보일 수 있다. 그러나 작품은 그렇게 단순화하지 않는다. 그녀는 무지해서 돌아가는 것이 아니다. 오히려 생각하고, 방황하고, 비교하고, 경험한 뒤에 자기 방식으로 종교적 삶을 다시 선택한다. 물론 그 선택이 완전히 자유로운가 하는 문제는 남는다. 가족, 공동체, 결혼시장, 여성 규범이 여전히 영향을 미치기 때문이다. 그러나 작품은 그녀의 선택을 단순한 세뇌로도, 단순한 회심으로도 설명하지 않는다.

Jake는 작품 속에서 가장 불안정하고 열린 결말을 가진 인물이다. 그는 종교 공동체가 원하는 “성공적 변화”의 사례가 아니다. 그러나 바로 그렇기 때문에 현실적이다. 많은 젊은이들은 Anna처럼 완전히 떠나지도 않고, Sippy처럼 다시 돌아오지도 않는다. Jake는 그 사이에서 흔들리는 다수의 모습을 대표한다. 그는 농담과 반항 뒤에 인정받고 싶은 욕망, 소속되고 싶은 욕망, 그러나 굴복하고 싶지 않은 자존심을 숨기고 있다.

이 다큐멘터리의 한계도 있다. 전사본만 보면 편집의 맥락이 거칠고, 인물들의 내면을 충분히 깊게 분석하지는 않는다. 또한 정통파 유대교 내부의 다양성, 특히 하시딕·예시바·현대 정통파·세속 유대인 사이의 차이는 충분히 설명되지 않는다. 종교를 모르는 관객은 모든 정통 유대교를 하나의 억압적 체계로 받아들일 위험도 있다. 그러나 작품 자체는 그런 단순화를 피하려고 노력한다.

가장 인상적인 점은 “이스라엘”의 역할이다. 이스라엘은 이 청년들에게 성지이면서 동시에 파티의 장소이고, 종교적 귀환의 장소이면서 동시에 자유 실험의 장소다. 예루살렘은 기도와 샤밧의 공간이고, 텔아비브는 해방과 세속성의 공간이다. 이 두 도시의 대비는 유대인 정체성 자체의 내적 갈등을 상징한다.

결국 <Unorthodox>는 종교를 떠나는 이야기라기보다, <상속받은 정체성과 스스로 선택한 삶 사이의 긴장>을 다룬 작품이다. 이 작품이 좋은 이유는 어느 한쪽을 쉽게 승자로 만들지 않기 때문이다. 종교 공동체는 억압적이지만 의미를 준다. 세속적 자유는 매력적이지만 위험하고 외롭다. 부모의 기대는 답답하지만 사랑에서 나오기도 한다. 청년들의 반항은 진실하지만 때로는 자기파괴적이다.

<한 줄 평>

<Unorthodox>는 정통파 유대교를 떠나는 세 청년의 이야기를 통해, 자유란 단순히 규칙을 버리는 것이 아니라 자기 삶의 새 질서를 만들어내는 고통스러운 과정임을 보여주는 다큐멘터리다.
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Unorthodox Comments.pdf

PDF

요약+평론

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약

제공된 자료는 다큐멘터리 <언오소독스 / Unorthodox> <2013>의 유튜브 공개 영상에 달린 시청자들의 댓글 모음이다. 댓글의 주요 내용은 감독의 근황, 작품에 대한 다각도의 평가, 그리고 시청자 개인의 경험담 공유로 분류된다.

• 감독의 근황 및 작품 평가: 많은 시청자가 넷플릭스 드라마 <언오소독스>를 본 후 제목이 같은 이 다큐멘터리를 발견하고 유입되었다. 댓글을 통해 감독 안나 웩슬러 가 MIT에서 박사 학위를 취득한 후 현재 펜실베이니아 대학교 의과대학의 의료 윤리 및 건강 정책 학과 조교수이자 연구소장 으로 재직 중이라는 사실이 공유되었다. 시청자들은 그녀의 학문적 성취를 높이 평가하며 비판이나 냉소 없이 정직하고 객관적인 다큐멘터리를 제작한 것에 찬사를 보냈다.

• 공동체적 비용 지원에 대한 논쟁: 일각에서는 청소년들이 1년간 이스라엘에서 방황하고 유흥을 즐길 수 있는 환경을 두고 '부유하고 특권적인 아이들의 철없는 행동'이라고 비판했다. 이에 대해 자신을 정통파 공동체 출신이라고 밝힌 이들은 대다수의 유대교 청소년은 규칙을 준수하며 열심히 공부하며, 경제적 여유가 없는 가정의 아이들을 위해서는 회당이나 공동체 차원에서 모금과 보조금을 통해 이스라엘 유학 비용을 지원한다고 반박했다.

• 시청자들의 실존적 공감과 경험담: 유대교 신자가 아닌 기독교, 이슬람교, 무교 출신의 시청자들도 엄격한 종교적 가치관을 강요하는 부모와의 갈등, 청소년기 정체성의 방황, 자유에 따르는 책임 등 다큐멘터리의 보편적인 주제에 깊이 공감했다. 특히 영상 속 인물인 '아비 <Avi / Abi>'의 약물 과다복용 사망 소식에 많은 이들이 깊은 애도를 표했다.

평론

1. 장르적 오해를 넘어선 텍스트의 확장성

유튜브 댓글 공간에서 흥미롭게 관찰되는 현상 중 하나는 넷플릭스의 동명 드라마 <언오소독스>와의 조우다. 시청자들은 하시디즘 공동체의 극단적 폐쇄성을 다룬 픽션 드라마를 기대하고 들어왔다가, 현대 정통파 유대교 청소년들의 현실적인 방황을 다룬 이 다큐멘터리를 마주하게 된다.

이러한 우연한 교차는 오히려 이 작품이 가진 본질적인 가치를 돋보이게 만든다. 드라마가 종교 탈출기라는 극적인 서사에 집중한다면, 안나 웩슬러의 다큐멘터리는 세속과 종교의 경계선에서 진동하는 청소년들의 다층적인 내면을 있는 그대로 보여주기 때문이다. 시청자들은 자극적인 폭로 대신 "낙인과 비판 없이 부드럽고 정직한 시선"으로 대상을 바라본 감독의 연출력에 높은 점수를 주며 텍스트를 재평가하고 있다.

2. <통과의례>의 비용을 둘러싼 계급적·문화적 시선

댓글 창은 작품이 묘사하는 이스라엘에서의 1년을 두고 날 선 계급적 공방을 벌인다. 외부자의 시선에서 이 여정은 인생의 진로를 고민하며 수년간 방황할 수 있는 '부유한 백인들만의 특권'이자 사치로 비친다. 고등학교 졸업 직후 생계 전선에 뛰어들어야 하는 평범한 세속 세계의 청소년들에게 1년의 해외 유학은 불가능한 선택지이기 때문이다.

그러나 유대인 내부자들의 반론은 이 현상의 이면에 존재하는 강력한 공동체적 역학을 폭로한다. 이스라엘 유학은 개인의 사치스러운 유흥이 아니라, 현대 정통파 공동체가 세속화의 물결 속에서 차세대 성원을 보존하기 위해 사회적 자본을 총동원하는 구조적 장치다. 공동체가 기금을 모아 가난한 학생의 비용을 대는 행위는 단순한 복지가 아니라, 종교적 동화 를 막기 위한 집단적 방어기제인 셈이다. 댓글 창은 이 여정을 '개인의 철없는 일탈'로 보는 세속적 시각과 '공동체의 생존 전략'으로 보는 내부적 시각이 충돌하는 흥미로운 담론의 장이 된다.

3. 종교적 세뇌인가, 심리적 도피처인가

유대교 청소년들이 겪는 급격한 종교적 회귀 <플리핑 아웃>을 바라보는 댓글의 분석은 날카롭다. 한 시청자는 12시간 동안 이어지는 집중적인 종교 교리 수업과 외부 정보의 차단, 그리고 부모를 대신해 정서적 지지를 제공하는 랍비의 존재를 지적하며 이를 정교한 심리적 '인도주의적 세뇌 '라고 규정한다.

반면, 한 현대 정통파 출신 시청자의 장문의 고백은 이 현상의 또 다른 가슴 아픈 단면을 보여준다. 가정 내 정서적 학대와 공동체의 무관심 속에서 자란 청소년이 이스라엘에 도착했을 때, 랍비들이 건넨 작은 칭찬과 인정은 구원이 된다. 결국 아이들이 종교에 굴복하는 것은 교리의 완벽함 때문이 아니라, 미국 가정에서 박탈당했던 '인간적 존엄과 조건 없는 수용'을 랍비들에게서 처음 경험했기 때문이다. 이처럼 댓글들은 영화가 미처 다 담지 못한 정통파 가정 내부의 역기능과 청소년기 심리적 취약성을 보완하며, 작품의 비극성과 실존적 무게감을 한층 더 심화시킨다

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<Unorthodox Comments>는 유튜브 다큐멘터리 <Unorthodox>에 달린 댓글 모음이다. 전체 댓글은 2,506개로 표시되어 있으며, 이 PDF는 그중 일부를 20쪽에 걸쳐 캡처한 자료다. 댓글들은 다큐멘터리 자체보다 오히려 더 넓은 사회적 반응을 보여준다. 정통파 유대교를 떠난 청년들에 대한 공감, 비판, 종교 공동체 옹호, “부유한 아이들의 방황”이라는 냉소, 그리고 유대교·기독교·이슬람·아미시·여호와의 증인 등 폐쇄적 종교공동체 일반에 대한 비교가 뒤섞여 있다.

<요약>

댓글의 첫 번째 큰 흐름은 Anna Wexler에 대한 후일담과 긍정적 평가다. 1쪽 첫 댓글은 Anna가 펜실베이니아대 의대 의료윤리·보건정책학과 조교수이며, MIT에서 박사학위를 받고 과학·윤리·기술 관련 연구를 하고 있다고 설명한다. 이는 다큐멘터리 속 방황하던 Anna가 결국 전문 연구자이자 영화 제작자로 성장했다는 점을 알려준다. 여러 댓글은 “이제 자기 연구실도 있다”, “Anna가 자기 자신에게 충실했다”, “후속 다큐멘터리가 필요하다”고 반응한다. 즉 관객들은 Anna를 단순한 탈종교 청년이 아니라, 고통스러운 이탈 이후 독립적 지성인으로 성장한 사례로 읽는다.

두 번째 흐름은 부모와 자녀의 기대 충돌이다. 많은 댓글은 “부모가 실망한다는 사실을 알면서도 자기 길을 가야 하는 고통”을 말한다. 특히 MIT에서 신경과학을 공부할 정도로 성공했는데도 부모가 여전히 실망한다는 점에 놀라는 댓글이 많다. 이는 정통파 공동체에서 세속적 성공보다 종교적 충실성이 더 높은 가치로 여겨진다는 사실을 드러낸다. 어떤 댓글은 “부모에게 인정받으려고 노력하다가 결국 그들을 만족시킬 수 없다는 것을 깨닫는 일은 가슴 아프다”고 말한다. 이 댓글들은 다큐멘터리의 핵심 주제, 즉 “나는 누구의 삶을 사는가”라는 질문을 정확히 짚고 있다.

세 번째 흐름은 정통파 유대교 공동체에 대한 양가적 평가다. 한쪽에서는 이 공동체를 억압적이고 폐쇄적인 세계로 본다. 옷차림, 성규범, 샤밧, 학교 규칙, 부모의 통제, 결혼 압력 등이 젊은이들을 극단으로 몰아간다고 본다. 어떤 댓글은 “엄격한 종교는 사람을 한 극단에서 다른 극단으로 가게 만든다”고 말한다. 또 다른 댓글은 여호와의 증인, 아미시, 이슬람 공동체와 비교하면서, 반항적 자녀를 배척하는 방식은 종교마다 비슷하다고 지적한다.

그러나 다른 쪽에서는 공동체를 옹호한다. “그 공동체는 돈이 아니라 서로 돌보는 공동체성이 풍부하다”, “많은 아이들은 이스라엘에서 공부하고 더 성숙해져 돌아온다”, “다큐멘터리에 나오는 파티와 방황은 주변부 사례일 뿐”이라는 반응도 있다. 특히 일부 정통파 출신 댓글 작성자들은 이스라엘 1년 경험이 실제로는 술·파티와 종교적 재정립이 함께 있는 복합적 과정이라고 설명한다. 이들은 다큐멘터리가 극적인 사례를 강조했을 가능성을 제기한다.

네 번째 흐름은 “자유”에 대한 논쟁이다. 다큐멘터리의 청년들은 종교적 규율에서 벗어나 술, 마약, 성적 자유, 여행, 파티를 경험한다. 이에 대해 어떤 댓글은 그것을 해방으로 보지만, 다른 댓글은 “거리 생활, 섹스, 마약이 행복은 아니다”라고 비판한다. 한 회복 중인 중독자는 자신도 코카인·버섯·알코올 중독을 겪었고, 그런 삶은 일시적 행복만 줄 뿐이라고 말한다. 반대로 어떤 댓글은 “free love가 왜 문제냐”고 묻는다. 여기서 관객들은 종교적 억압과 세속적 방종 사이의 긴장을 두고 갈라진다.

다섯 번째 흐름은 계급 문제다. 몇몇 댓글은 “이 아이들은 모두 부자다”, “1년 동안 자기를 찾으러 돌아다닐 수 있는 것은 특권이다”, “부모가 이스라엘 유학 비용을 대주는 것 자체가 엄청난 혜택”이라고 지적한다. 이에 대해 다른 댓글은 공동체나 부모가 희생해서 비용을 마련하는 경우도 많다고 반박한다. 그러나 계급 비판은 중요하다. 이 다큐멘터리의 방황은 빈곤층 청년의 생존 투쟁이 아니라, 상대적으로 자원이 있는 종교 공동체 청년들의 정체성 위기라는 점을 드러내기 때문이다.

여섯 번째 흐름은 다른 종교와의 비교다. 댓글에는 여호와의 증인, 아미시, 무슬림, 가톨릭, 개신교, 하시딕 유대교 등이 반복적으로 언급된다. 어떤 사람은 “종교는 서로 다르게 예배하지만, 반항하는 자녀를 거부하는 방식에서는 놀랍도록 비슷하다”고 말한다. 또 어떤 팔레스타인인은 이 다큐멘터리를 보고 유대인과 아랍인의 문화적 유사성을 느꼈다고 한다. 이는 관객들이 이 작품을 유대교 내부 문제로만 보지 않고, 전통 공동체와 현대 개인주의 사이의 보편적 갈등으로 읽고 있음을 보여준다.

일곱 번째 흐름은 정치적 민감성이다. 일부 댓글은 이스라엘, 팔레스타인, 반유대주의 문제로 번진다. 어떤 댓글은 팔레스타인 문제를 언급하고, 다른 댓글은 그런 언급을 반유대주의와 연결한다. 또 다른 댓글은 “반유대주의자로 불릴까 봐 사람들이 더 말을 조심한다”고 말한다. 이는 정통 유대교 다큐멘터리에 대한 논의도 곧바로 이스라엘 정치와 연결될 수 있음을 보여준다.

<평론>

이 댓글 모음의 가장 큰 의미는 다큐멘터리가 단순히 한 종교 공동체의 내부 이야기가 아니라, 현대 사회의 보편적 갈등을 건드렸다는 점이다. 댓글 작성자들은 각자 자기 경험을 투사한다. 정통 유대교 출신은 자신의 과거를 본다. 여호와의 증인 출신은 자기 공동체를 본다. 무슬림 출신은 부모의 통제와 반항을 본다. 세속 독자는 엄격한 종교의 억압을 본다. 부모 세대는 자녀가 공동체를 떠나는 고통을 본다. 이처럼 <Unorthodox>는 특정 유대교 세계를 다루지만, 반응은 훨씬 넓다.

댓글들이 보여주는 핵심 쟁점은 <종교 공동체는 보호인가 억압인가>라는 질문이다. 단순한 답은 없다. 정통파 공동체는 분명히 개인의 자유, 특히 여성의 몸과 성, 청소년의 선택권, 세속 교육과 직업 선택을 강하게 제한할 수 있다. 그러나 동시에 공동체는 소속감, 가족성, 의미, 상호부조, 삶의 규율을 제공한다. 현대 세속사회는 자유를 주지만, 그 자유는 종종 고립·중독·불안·무의미와 연결된다. 이 댓글들은 바로 이 양면성을 생생하게 보여준다.

특히 Anna에 대한 반응은 흥미롭다. 관객들은 그녀가 MIT와 펜실베이니아대까지 간 사실을 일종의 “승리”로 본다. 이는 세속적 능력주의의 시각이다. 그러나 정통파 부모의 관점에서는 그것만으로 충분하지 않다. 좋은 대학, 좋은 직업, 지적 성공보다 더 중요한 것은 신앙적 삶이다. 여기서 가치 체계가 충돌한다. 세속 사회는 “성공한 딸”이라고 보지만, 종교 공동체는 “길을 잃은 딸”이라고 볼 수 있다. 이 충돌을 이해하지 못하면 다큐멘터리의 정서적 깊이를 놓치게 된다.

Sippy나 Jake에 대한 댓글은 상대적으로 Anna보다 적지만, 그들을 둘러싼 평가는 더 복잡하다. 종교로 돌아가는 사람은 세속 관객에게는 “후퇴”처럼 보일 수 있다. 그러나 정통파 출신 댓글 작성자들은 그것을 “자기 뿌리로 돌아가는 성숙”으로 본다. 반대로 Jake처럼 계속 흔들리는 인물은 어떤 관객에게는 철없고 특권적인 아이처럼 보이지만, 다른 관객에게는 가장 현실적인 청년으로 보인다. 인간은 그렇게 쉽게 해방되거나 회심하지 않는다. 대부분은 중간에서 오래 흔들린다.

이 댓글 모음에서 가장 날카로운 비판은 계급 문제다. “자기를 찾기 위해 1년 동안 외국에 가는 것”은 보편적 청년 경험이 아니다. 그것은 돈, 가족, 공동체 지원, 여권, 교육 자본이 있는 사람들의 경험이다. 이 점을 지적한 댓글들은 중요하다. 다큐멘터리의 청년들은 억압받았지만, 동시에 특권도 가진다. 그들은 피해자이면서도 자원이 있는 집단의 자녀다. 이 이중성을 봐야 작품을 정확히 이해할 수 있다.

그러나 계급 비판만으로 이들의 고통을 무시해서도 안 된다. 부유하거나 교육받은 사람도 정신적 억압, 가족으로부터의 소외, 정체성 붕괴를 겪을 수 있다. 어떤 댓글들은 “spoiled”라는 말로 이들을 쉽게 깎아내리지만, 그것은 너무 단순하다. 인간에게 필요한 것은 물질만이 아니다. 자기 삶을 스스로 선택한다는 감각, 부모에게 사랑받으면서도 독립할 수 있다는 감각, 몸과 생각과 신앙을 자기 언어로 해석할 수 있다는 감각도 중요하다.

댓글에서 반복되는 “마약과 섹스는 해방이 아니다”라는 반응도 타당하다. 엄격한 종교에서 나온 청년들이 곧바로 술, 마약, 성적 실험으로 이동하는 것은 단순한 자유라기보다 반동일 수 있다. 억압된 세계를 떠난 사람이 먼저 하는 일은 종종 “금지된 것”을 해보는 것이다. 그러나 금지의 반대가 곧 자유는 아니다. 진짜 자유는 금지된 것을 하는 능력이 아니라, 스스로 선택하고 책임질 수 있는 내적 질서를 갖는 것이다. 이 점에서 댓글들은 다큐멘터리의 핵심 문제를 잘 드러낸다.

또 하나 중요한 점은 관객들이 정통파 유대교를 잘 모르는 상태에서 댓글을 다는 경우가 많다는 것이다. 일부는 하시딕, 현대 정통파, 초정통파, 예시바 문화의 차이를 충분히 구분하지 못한다. 어떤 댓글은 모든 것을 “무서운 종교”로 일반화하고, 다른 댓글은 공동체를 방어하기 위해 문제를 축소한다. 실제 현실은 그 사이에 있다. 정통파 유대교 내부에도 다양한 층위가 있고, 가족마다 다르며, 학교마다 다르고, 이스라엘 경험도 사람마다 다르다.

전체적으로 이 댓글 모음은 다큐멘터리의 “사회적 수용사”로 볼 수 있다. 영화는 세 명의 청년을 보여주지만, 댓글은 수천 명의 관객이 자기 경험과 가치관을 가지고 그 영화를 다시 쓰는 과정이다. 어떤 사람에게 이 영화는 종교 억압의 고발이다. 어떤 사람에게는 방황하는 청년들의 성장기다. 어떤 사람에게는 부모의 사랑과 통제의 비극이다. 어떤 사람에게는 세속적 자유의 위험성에 대한 경고다. 어떤 사람에게는 공동체를 떠난 뒤에도 인간이 결국 의미와 소속을 찾는다는 이야기다.

<결론>

<Unorthodox Comments>는 원 다큐멘터리보다 더 복잡한 텍스트다. 댓글들은 정통파 유대교를 둘러싼 외부인의 호기심, 내부자의 아픔, 종교 공동체 옹호자의 반론, 탈종교인의 상처, 세속 자유주의자의 기대, 보수적 도덕주의자의 비판을 모두 담고 있다. 이 자료의 핵심 가치는 “정답”에 있지 않다. 오히려 같은 영화를 보고도 사람들이 얼마나 다른 세계관으로 해석하는지를 보여준다는 데 있다.

<한 줄 평>

<Unorthodox Comments>는 정통파 유대교 청년들의 방황을 둘러싼 댓글 모음이지만, 실제로는 종교 공동체와 개인 자유, 부모의 기대와 자녀의 자율성, 해방과 자기파괴, 억압과 소속감 사이의 현대적 갈등을 드러내는 집단 심리 기록이다.

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Transcript

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0:00I don't know I do not know what it means

0:099 secondsokay K's doing an excellent job here she knows how to roll out the dough that's me 8 years old happy

0:1919 secondshelping my mother bake for the Jewish holidays these are the waxler girls making H for porum what year is it tough

0:2828 secondssh right tuin gimmel or 5753 was the Hebrew year growing up we

0:3535 secondswent by the Jewish calendar people which one do you want do you want poppy sleeve apricot butter cherry or chocolate

0:4242 secondschips back then I was the perfect daughter at home I'd study extra portions of the Torah or Bible

0:5050 secondsmemorizing entire passages word for word do you in what year the bye bye in our world everything was

1:001 minutereligious it wasn't until much later that I discovered that the songs of my youth were parodies of Pop

1:061 minute, 6 seconds[Music]

1:141 minute, 14 secondshits our only glimpse into the non-jewish world was through television my sister and I imitated what we saw even though we'd never be able to

1:231 minute, 23 secondsdance or dress like that in public JM in the AM Friday morning with p

1:301 minute, 30 secondshere on an AR shabas at 91.1 FM and welcome everyone it's May the 20th the 11th day in the month of er the year is

1:381 minute, 38 seconds5765 T Shin s today is AR of shabas Paras Bahar with candle lighting time at

1:451 minute, 45 seconds7:51 officially later on 56 Dees outside 64% humidity Winds of Southeast tomorrow

1:521 minute, 52 secondsafternoon showers for shabas with a high temperature of 67° different story weatherwise in the Holy Land right now

1:591 minute, 59 seconds90 7 and sunny in yusan WoW they've got a heatwave 88 and fair

2:072 minutes, 7 secondsin Tel Aviv here in Jersey City we're at 56 degrees on a Friday morning here at JM in the

2:132 minutes, 13 seconds[Music]

2:202 minutes, 20 secondsAM don't look up every kid grows up thinking that what happens inside their house is normal the Dinosaur Jurassic

2:272 minutes, 27 secondsPark in my family normal meant only eating foods that were

2:362 minutes, 36 secondskosher normal meant attending a Jewish Day School where we spent half the day studying Torah and religious

2:432 minutes, 43 secondstopics normal meant observing shabus a day of rest where we couldn't drive use the computer talk on the phone or even

2:512 minutes, 51 secondsturn on a light we weren't as strict as the ultra Orthodox but we weren't nearly as liberal as secular Jews we we were

3:003 minutesmodern Orthodox my dad weree aaka and situs and when he prayed he put on

3:083 minutes, 8 secondsTain like other married women my mom always covered her hair my sister and I dressed in accordance with the laws of

3:153 minutes, 15 secondsSAS or modesty no tank tops and skirts past the knee Israel was our second home my

3:233 minutes, 23 secondsgrandparents had made Aliyah or immigrated to Israel and every few years we visited them it was our Dream to Someday live in the

3:323 minutes, 32 secondsHoly

3:343 minutes, 34 seconds[Music]

3:403 minutes, 40 secondsLand in 5753 I was 8 years old I wanted to be a great Torah

3:473 minutes, 47 seconds[Music]

3:513 minutes, 51 secondsscholar but things changed when I was 12 I started to question the faith how could the world only be 5,000 years old

4:004 minutesand if everything in the Torah was true how come more people didn't believe in it by 16 I was an

4:084 minutes, 8 secondsatheist I broke away from Orthodox

4:154 minutes, 15 seconds[Music]

4:204 minutes, 20 secondsJudaism I live in Boston now where I'm studying neuroscience at MIT I only visit my family occasionally

4:284 minutes, 28 secondsand when I do it's always

4:334 minutes, 33 seconds[Music]

4:474 minutes, 47 seconds[Music]

4:514 minutes, 51 secondsuncomfortable happy yeah you're getting

5:005 minutesback here te my dad's new hygienist won't stop

5:075 minutes, 7 secondsbothering me about my Tong ring your teeth become sensitive down here you start getting recession here where that tissue starts to pull away you start knocking these up here where you're

5:155 minutes, 15 secondssleeping or whatever and you start chipping the top teeth Just Happening they getting really raggedy mhm and eventually they just start like I see

5:245 minutes, 24 secondshim in a pair of pants just start dripping talking were you the one who called the police after I got my

5:325 minutes, 32 secondsno you only called the police when you when you ran away because you ran away from home was

5:405 minutes, 40 secondsthat the same day I got my D yeah some things you don't forget you weren't the

5:495 minutes, 49 secondseasiest the night I ran away from home the New Jersey police drove to New York to pick me up I'd run away to my friend

5:565 minutes, 56 secondsob's house

6:096 minutes, 9 secondsyo someone open the door Ai and I met when we were breaking away from Orthodoxy back then the only people who

6:186 minutes, 18 secondsreally understood me were other rebellious Orthodox Jews we didn't spend much time at home you know what I mean I was like running around sleeping on

6:266 minutes, 26 secondsbeaches and partying the whole time we got arrested that day went to the cops office they bordered some pizza and

6:336 minutes, 33 secondscoffee and we left that afternoon but um yeah so after that time I was pretty much on the streets uh I I

6:426 minutes, 42 secondsjust ran around and partied and had a good time and did whatever I wanted to do you know I spent a lot of time like living on the streets of the city like sleeping in subway cars for like nights

6:506 minutes, 50 secondsat a time we went from a life of rules and restrictions to one with no limits

6:596 minutes, 59 seconds[Music]

7:177 minutes, 17 secondswithin a matter of 2 years this girl with like little frizzy hair just completely turned 180 into this girl who

7:267 minutes, 26 secondsyou know had her theories about then you know lack of existence of God who decided to experiment with free love

7:357 minutes, 35 secondsdrugs whatever possible Adventure you can come up with to do you would after we graduated from high

7:447 minutes, 44 secondsschool AI went to spend a year studying in Yeshiva or religious seminary in Israel all my friends pretty much were

7:507 minutes, 50 secondsgoing to Yeshiva in Israel so I was more inclined to go there and to like have gone to Israel have like kind of sort of

7:597 minutes, 59 secondsinvolved in like the Israel experience that everyone talks about it wasn't just AI almost every modern Orthodox teenager spends a year

8:088 minutes, 8 secondsstudying in Israel After High School but most of the kids who go aren't rebellious they're comfortable with their faith like my sister I'm really

8:178 minutes, 17 secondsnervous for my graduation out of my grade of 41 38 are going to Israel next year

8:258 minutes, 25 secondsgo parents of religious kids see the year in Israel as a right of passage parents of rebellious teenagers

8:338 minutes, 33 secondssend their kids to Israel in hopes that they'll Shape Up and become religious again

9:089 minutes, 8 seconds[Music]

9:209 minutes, 20 secondsthey think that their their sons are going to come here and just like learn talud Bible and just all of a sudden get

9:279 minutes, 27 secondsreligious you know Straight Like That when AI came back from Israel he was

9:369 minutes, 36 secondsreligious he started wearing a yamaka and davening or praying every morning Esther also came back totally

9:459 minutes, 45 secondsdifferent she now dressed modestly with long sleeves and skirts and wouldn't come out with me on Friday night and Duke stopped speaking to me

Chapter 2: DUKES

9:549 minutes, 54 secondsand all women so that he could focus completely on his religious studies it wasn't just my friends this

10:0310 minutes, 3 secondsphenomenon of religious change in Israel is so common that there's even a name for it flipping

10:1510 minutes, 15 seconds[Music]

10:2510 minutes, 25 secondsout I wasn't prepared for my friends to flip out we we'd all spent so long running away from the religion and then

10:3210 minutes, 32 secondsthey went back and embraced it completely I felt

10:4110 minutes, 41 secondsbetrayed it's been 2 years since my friends came back from Israel and I've never really understood what caused them to change so

10:4810 minutes, 48 secondsdrastically Dukes is still religious but he's speaking to women again I what's your name ariela hi ariela my name is

10:5610 minutes, 56 secondsdukes I am I'm with some friends right now from MIT and they're making a movie of uh why don't you talk to them they they want to talk to you this the phone

11:0511 minutes, 5 secondsyeah this the phone talking to it talk to this place hi is this uh ariela hey what's up this is Anna I

11:1311 minutes, 13 secondswanted to find out what happens over the year in Israel why did all of my friends become religious were they coming to spiritual realizations on their own or

11:2211 minutes, 22 secondswere the rabbis brainwashing them um so basically our idea is this um we're making a documentary film about the year in Israel so we're going to follow a

11:3111 minutes, 31 secondscouple kids uh before their year in Israel uh during their year and then after their Year my friend Nadia who is also studying neuroscience at MIT joined

11:3911 minutes, 39 secondsme on the project she's behind the camera most of the time even though neither of us had any film experience we started driving to

11:4711 minutes, 47 secondsNew York on the weekends and conducting interviews we decided to follow three teenagers who reminded me of what my friends and I were like in high school I

11:5611 minutes, 56 secondswondered if they too would flip out do you think you'll be religious after you get back from Israel I hope so I don't

12:0412 minutes, 4 secondsknow it's not going to be like you go to Israel and you iMagic become religious because I'm not going to be brainwashed into that but I want to I want to go and

12:1212 minutes, 12 secondstry to figure it out like now none of my friends are shavis everything I do in the weekends nothing is shavis nothing's

Chapter 3: shomer shabbos keep the Sabbath

12:1912 minutes, 19 secondskosher Tippy reminded me of what I was like back then she was openly non-observant but living in a religious

12:2712 minutes, 27 secondshome I applied to to Tish going to go to Tish and become an actress and I didn't get in I don't really know where I want

12:3412 minutes, 34 secondsto be at all and I have no desire to rush into four more years of school so Israel's great for me it's a nice like

12:4112 minutes, 41 secondsin between year do you think you'll change through the year

12:4912 minutes, 49 secondsdo no I don't think so I'm not that kind of person I mean I can't say no completely cuz you never know I might I

12:5812 minutes, 58 secondsimmediately ident ified with Kim he had a different attitude than most of the kids I'd interviewed at the beginning of the year um there was like this party I

13:0713 minutes, 7 secondswas at this kid like started running his mouth like punched him in the face and I got like whole fight with him and then like the school got like really pissed

13:1513 minutes, 15 secondsoff there's like a business office upstairs like an empty room so they put me in the giant empty room by myself like an isolation for the past two

13:2413 minutes, 24 secondsmonths H burit despite High problems in school he ends up graduating from his modern

13:3213 minutes, 32 secondsOrthodox High School who's getting [ __ ] up tonight me it could happen I could totally see

13:3913 minutes, 39 secondsmyself becoming like a little more religious I won't flip out yeah but maybe like get more morals or something do you think you'll change

13:4813 minutes, 48 secondswhen you get back you think you'll be like a different person when you get back from Isel I think I might have an appreciation that I don't have right now

13:5513 minutes, 55 secondsI feel a lot of resentment towards Judaism because of you know the pressur that I felt right here is my diploma from clown

14:0314 minutes, 3 secondsschool this is my clown nose that you glue on you know it's never good to blow up a

14:1114 minutes, 11 secondsballoon like with your mouth yeah like this this kind of balloon because it can give you a hernia okay all my clown teachers told me that Jake wasn't

14:1914 minutes, 19 secondsexactly the wild kind of person I was looking to follow through Israel but I kind of liked him

14:3014 minutes, 30 secondsyeah and even though Jake had always been religious he at least questioned his faith I didn't want to keep it and if I if I wasn't in a place where

14:3714 minutes, 37 secondseveryone was keeping chavas and I wouldn't I wouldn't keep it but because I was growing up in a in a religious home as long as I was making my parents

14:4514 minutes, 45 secondshappy I was able to do more of what I wanted to

14:4914 minutes, 49 seconds[Music]

14:5614 minutes, 56 secondsdo let's say I let's say I got a record deal and they said you're going to be in the studio like 24/7 what would I

15:0415 minutes, 4 secondsdo if I was like a I guess a good je I don't know I would I would know definitely I'm not going to work on chabas I'm going to say I'm not working

15:1115 minutes, 11 secondson chabas but I don't know what I would do in that

15:1615 minutes, 16 seconds[Music]

15:1915 minutes, 19 secondssituation I got into like a huge fight or something I don't remember what exactly happened I think I ran I got a

15:2715 minutes, 27 secondshuge fight with my mom so I think my mom might have been going through chemo and like she spazzes on me and I have a very rocky relationship with my mom anyway

15:3515 minutes, 35 secondsand I ran away from my house and I lived in a car with these two guys for a little bit and I was awful in that Moon I was like [ __ ] you God like I tried so

15:4215 minutes, 42 secondshard I tried so hard like if this is what religion is like I wouldn't have nothing to do with you and I went around like becoming not religious like in order to spite God like I'd bring shabas

15:5115 minutes, 51 secondsi' be like [ __ ] you like this is enough like you're completely disappointing like if anyone has ever let me down in my life it's you

16:0316 minutes, 3 secondsright my eyes it took me over a year to decide that I wanted to go to Israel I want to I want to get my music career

16:1116 minutes, 11 secondsstarted as soon as I can I felt Israel it's a year off and I wanted to just start my life but all the rebies in my

16:1816 minutes, 18 secondsschool were like no Jake you have to go it'll be good for you you think you know yourself but do you really know yourself Jake got into Berkeley one of the top

16:2616 minutes, 26 secondsmusic colleges in the country but deferred for the year so that he could go to Israel the the kind of career I want to go to there's a lot of

16:3416 minutes, 34 secondsinfluences that are really bad so I want to find that stability of who I am and

16:4016 minutes, 40 secondsfind myself as a person as a Jew my my biggest fear I a lot of people

16:4916 minutes, 49 secondscome home from Israel and they're like totally flipped and I'm not going to do that I'm going to take things at the pace that I want to take it at I'm not

16:5716 minutes, 57 secondsswallowing the P all at once have you been hanging out with your girlfriend this week yeah all week is

17:0717 minutes, 7 secondsshe so sad it's she's good but it's sad I don't know I don't want to leave you

17:1517 minutes, 15 secondsmy mom's going to freak out cuz I'm a call like every day so I don't know about that my mom's going to go crazy she just got mad at me

17:2417 minutes, 24 secondsbefore cuz we just got uh we just got like the phone bill in and like for this month it was like over like

17:3217 minutes, 32 seconds$900 hyim was raised in an orthodox home but is proud of his Dominican Roots I'm not going to take this flag

17:4117 minutes, 41 secondsbecause I could get that of course man it's my Dominican flag I got to take

17:4617 minutes, 46 seconds[Music]

17:4917 minutes, 49 secondsit Mac goodbye Mac goodbye math did you eat I had breakfast did you pack some snacks

17:5717 minutes, 57 secondsin your in your in your backpack I'm buying M&M's there water did you make your water Daddy bought water for

18:2318 minutes, 23 secondsme hello hey what's up think's going on oh man I'm going to

18:3018 minutes, 30 secondsmiss you so much and I love you too I am going to get lit but you late honey no we're not

18:3718 minutes, 37 secondsgoing to be late chill out all right what you say yeah Mom what time is it what time

18:4618 minutes, 46 secondsis it it's going to be 3:30 it's going to be 3:30 right what time is my flight 6:20 I know but hours listen last time

18:5318 minutes, 53 secondswe went early okay well I have no use for this but should I bring it any way what no look

19:0119 minutes, 1 secondheavy and disco like does anyone want it can I can I see it actually do you want it you want

19:0819 minutes, 8 secondsit a winner was I supposed to pack anything else drastic you packed skirts I have another

19:1619 minutes, 16 secondsmini skirt take take a picture of

19:2219 minutes, 22 secondsme are go push the button the oh

19:3119 minutes, 31 secondsokay don't worry oh oh my goodness that's a face I

19:3919 minutes, 39 secondslike see just don't grow

19:5019 minutes, 50 secondsanymore I'm going to the airport I'm not going a press conference come let's go cuz we late

19:5719 minutes, 57 secondsalready h ma chill

20:1120 minutes, 11 seconds[Music]

20:2220 minutes, 22 secondsout I arrive in Jerusalem on a Friday night even though I have lots of family here I've rented an apartment so that I

20:2920 minutes, 29 secondsdon't have to keep shabus but in Jerusalem it's hard not to buses stop running stores shut down many

20:3820 minutes, 38 secondsrestaurants close and the center of the city Falls completely silent on Saturday night after shabas is

20:4720 minutes, 47 secondsover all the kids who've come to spend their year in Israel hang out on bahuda street it's the epicenter of the modern

20:5420 minutes, 54 secondsOrthodox social scene and even I run into old friends how are you you know an audio you hear the film can't believe we're going to the Army

21:0321 minutes, 3 secondsdude yeah hav so it's aot what have you been up to nothing it's been

21:1021 minutes, 10 secondsis everyone who's been in Israel talks about three distinct phases that play out over each year in the first the kids

21:1821 minutes, 18 secondsarrive and take advantage of their new found Freedom [ __ ] oh man school is [ __ ]

21:2921 minutes, 29 secondssick [ __ ] sick tequila Slammers got to stick with

21:3621 minutes, 36 secondsmy Spanish Roots we're all out like all night and like they don't give a [ __ ] yo man I just got [ __ ] over so

21:4521 minutes, 45 secondsbadly with the money here I I put my car in ATM and I want to take out 250 Sheck and turn to be €250 I don't even have that much

21:5421 minutes, 54 secondsAmerican money in the bank my mom's going to [ __ ] kill me but it's cool cuz now I have like 1,400

22:0122 minutes, 1 secondchecks 7,000 mil away so it gets retardedly hot during the day

22:1022 minutes, 10 secondshere it's awful and then at night it gets like beautiful like this is the best time and you can see the view these steps right here are the yiva detour

22:1922 minutes, 19 secondssteps we have a boy yiva like three o away and then half of them are very religious and half of them are badasses so the rabbi wants us to walk around the

22:2722 minutes, 27 secondsaiva it ends up being shorter so we do it anyway but it's very funny here's nice to fraize with the boys sippy school is in a residential

22:3622 minutes, 36 secondsneighborhood of Jerusalem but like Kim she doesn't spend much time at school I go out every night and I get like more drunk than all the

22:4522 minutes, 45 secondsgirls in my school all together so excited we're the scavenger I saw I sign the

22:5122 minutes, 51 secondsL like I dance I flail I jump around I have a good time is your name

23:0323 minutes, 3 secondsMolly who it's cool I don't know what you're saying are you

23:1023 minutes, 10 secondsontic yes for the team same one for the team don't you love being drunk not that I am

23:1923 minutes, 19 secondsdrunk but I love it what are you very drunk very drunk and what drunk

23:2623 minutes, 26 seconds[Music]

23:3123 minutes, 31 seconds[Applause]

23:3523 minutes, 35 secondsI always get confused with these streets here it's so confusing Jake school is on a farming Community just outside of Jerusalem he

23:4423 minutes, 44 secondshas religious classes from 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. each day I've only been here for a week but it doesn't feel like a week it feels like a lot more than a

23:5123 minutes, 51 secondsweek I don't know why just like the days like drag for some reason I'm just not like I'm not clicking I don't know why

23:5923 minutes, 59 secondsusually like the like the first day I'm with the rabbi like I click with them I think T aviv's somewhere around

24:0724 minutes, 7 secondsthere somewhere I like and I never thought I would be homesick like but sometimes I

24:1624 minutes, 16 secondsactually do get like really homesick I don't know why I guess it's just like feeling lonely this year I got really close with my parents and especially the

24:2424 minutes, 24 secondsway that we left the airport my dad couldn't stop like kissing me I'm walking around the square and he comes up to the square and he like he doesn't

24:3324 minutes, 33 secondswant to let go of me it was so hard the first night I I called him and I started

24:4124 minutes, 41 secondscrying but he didn't

24:4624 minutes, 46 seconds[Music]

24:4824 minutes, 48 secondsknow Kim school is in an ultra Orthodox neighborhood of Jerusalem my grandparents have lived

24:5524 minutes, 55 secondshere for nearly 20 years and as a kid I used to spend my Summers here up Nadia and I can't film inside the all male

25:0325 minutes, 3 secondsseminaries and we also have to get back to school so we give each of the kids cameras to film themselves during the

25:1125 minutes, 11 secondsyear this is H Adams Deeds tape from com come live from Israel

25:1925 minutes, 19 secondsyeah right yeah um we got we just we just picked up some absence you see that oh the green fairy itself

25:2825 minutes, 28 secondsand um taking so far me and Adam got about two little babies in us right two two we're going to keep going see how it

25:3725 minutes, 37 secondsgoes see where it leads us tonight dude this [ __ ] wa this [ __ ] really burns your throat man going up

25:5125 minutes, 51 secondssmoking's friends take the camera and record a chaotic night of partying inside the ISA the rabbis are sleeping

25:5825 minutes, 58 secondsnext door like smoke lot of [ __ ] in this movie and take some pills in this movie and be really cracked out in this movie

26:0626 minutes, 6 secondsso I take threein mad I've never been so high in

26:1726 minutes, 17 secondsmy life man lock the door I'm going show you how to roll a

26:2626 minutes, 26 seconds[Music]

26:3426 minutes, 34 secondsI came to school thinking that the rules were completely different along with like majority of my school please be sure that all clothes you bring conform to our dress code there are basic

26:4326 minutes, 43 secondsstandards that all students must adhere to these include wearing skirts that cover the knee even well seated shirts

26:5026 minutes, 50 secondswith sleeves to the Elbow H he gave one girls a set of rules that said sleeves pass their elbows and skirts pass as

26:5826 minutes, 58 secondsyour your knees and he told me I can wear pants and t-shirts which is very different like we can wear t-shirts like

27:0627 minutes, 6 secondsI'll can wear this a lot of schools can't wear that then I just if you want you can wear pants we put a skirt over it so it's really not a big

27:1327 minutes, 13 secondsdeal but girls were so upset about that each Friday afternoon the center of

27:2127 minutes, 21 secondsJerusalem is the place to see old friends from school camp and synagogue Roy no I love Israel just my school isn't so

27:3027 minutes, 30 secondscool I got two like St for me to learn honestly that was really cool Jake meets up with Ariel one of his

27:3827 minutes, 38 secondsbest friends from home Who Am I who are you why in the world am I here this is the question I always

27:4727 minutes, 47 secondsask and and nobody could really answer it like cuz that's what we were created to do this one why we have all these things are like yeah yeah why huh tell

27:5527 minutes, 55 secondsme why you know what I mean think it's so good to see you too yeah for real it's been it's I've been waiting 2 weeks to hang out with you in Israel if they

28:0428 minutes, 4 secondswould treat me nicely and treat me like an adult and I would be able to choose when I want to learn and what I want to learn then yeah I would be into it but if they're forcing me to to fit in a

28:1328 minutes, 13 secondscertain way I'm not going to I'm not going to get into it I was like this Ariel

28:2228 minutes, 22 secondsShalom there's no rabbis or anything in our place they're starting a care cuz they're starting to get really mad that

28:2928 minutes, 29 secondslike no one gets up for do I wake up at like 3:00 like try waking me up they don't

Chapter 4: davening prayer

28:3628 minutes, 36 secondswork they gave up on me already I don't know it's funny like they came in our room and they they screamed like Obi come on you got to get

28:4528 minutes, 45 secondsa right but I don't I don't think I di once since I've been here which isn't really a good thing I guess so the last

28:5328 minutes, 53 secondsvideo diary sucked so I decided to make another one hello whoa what's going on she's actually

29:0229 minutes, 2 secondstaking it like really well we actually got like a lot closer since I like left you know MTV you know they have like real

29:1029 minutes, 10 secondsworld so you know how like they have like that that thing like you see them in a room like the confession room or whatever so I have to make something

29:1829 minutes, 18 secondslike yeah I'm doing it right now yeah okay I love you so much all right

29:2429 minutes, 24 secondsokay all right bye I had really good talk with my Rabbi last night I don't want to fla anything in the face so like if I'm going to come home at night I'm

29:3229 minutes, 32 secondsgoing to come home on curfew just some nights I'm just not going to come home and like everything that I said was legitimate I'm like having classes all

29:3929 minutes, 39 secondsday I add out and I'm not doing anything and I just need to go and he's like okay fine if you need to you need to I'm like sometimes I need to sleep out he's like

29:4729 minutes, 47 secondsokay I'm like I can't just do it once a week he was like okay and now I have no rules because I'm I'm not that type I'm Different my family does it differently

29:5529 minutes, 55 secondsI'm like listen honestly I'm not going to be as bad as it was at home cuz I have no desire to do that and like I did come here to become like toine myself

30:0330 minutes, 3 secondsand whatnot holy [ __ ]

30:1030 minutes, 10 seconds[Music]

30:1430 minutes, 14 secondsthat's that was amazing I want to give you a tour of uh the room we redid a little bit this is where I sleep whoa

30:2230 minutes, 22 secondsthis is where yti sleeps this is where Dan sleeps this is this is kind of crazy okay you have a

30:3130 minutes, 31 secondsshower and a toilet right next to each other and a squeegee that we have to push out the

30:3930 minutes, 39 secondswater from the floor into the hole Yeah that's what we got to do the water just goes to the

30:4530 minutes, 45 seconds[Music]

30:5130 minutes, 51 secondsfloor I'm moving to a holy place my soul's country the whole inside me

30:5930 minutes, 59 secondsfilling up slowly so it's something that you have

31:0831 minutes, 8 secondsto work at something you have to find within yourself you have to think really people come here and they don't think they just party and have fun but you

31:1631 minutes, 16 secondscould have fun you can party but you have to think what do you want what do you want out of it don't just waste your time you know dreams that I had lame and

31:2631 minutes, 26 secondswhat God has in store dream

31:3131 minutes, 31 seconds[Music]

31:3331 minutes, 33 secondssomething oh

31:3531 minutes, 35 seconds[Music]

31:3831 minutes, 38 secondshey this book permission to believe Rabbi Lawrence Kellerman I had some serious problems with this

31:4631 minutes, 46 secondsbook um it's called four rational approaches to God's existence and um when most of my friends went to Israel

31:5331 minutes, 53 secondsfor the year they used this book and the arguments in this book actually convinced a lot of my friends to be religious chapter 1 atheism is

32:0132 minutes, 1 secondirrational and that already pissed me off because uh I consider myself an atheist then there's chapter 2 the moral

32:0932 minutes, 9 secondsapproach to God's existence which states an argument that's along lines of how can there be morals without

32:1732 minutes, 17 secondsGod After High School graduation I had no intention of going to Israel I bought a one-way ticket to Catman de and planned to spend the year

32:2632 minutes, 26 secondstraveling in Asia

32:2832 minutes, 28 seconds[Music]

32:3232 minutes, 32 secondsbut before my big trip I went to Israel for a cousin's wedding while I was there I found out that Rabbi Kellerman worked at the same

32:4032 minutes, 40 secondsschool as my grandmother he's a pretty famous Rabbi he's really hard to get in touch with my grandmother actually uh got me an appointment with him because I

32:4832 minutes, 48 secondssort of wanted to argue against uh what he's written here we had two long and intense conversations more like debates

32:5632 minutes, 56 secondswhere I argued that it it was impossible to prove the existence of God afterwards Rabbi Kellerman suggested

33:0333 minutes, 3 secondsthat I cancel my trip to Asia and spend a year not in seminary but studying with him personally I was surprised to find

33:1233 minutes, 12 secondsmyself actually considering the offer there was something seductive about being here surrounded by tens of thousands of religious people all

33:2133 minutes, 21 secondscertain that they were doing the right thing in the right place I decided to give the religion one last last

33:2933 minutes, 29 secondschance I went to the Western Wall the holiest site for

33:3433 minutes, 34 seconds[Music]

33:3633 minutes, 36 secondsJews if I could just believe in the faith All the Troubles of the past years would disappear and my family and

33:4333 minutes, 43 secondsCommunity would accept

33:4733 minutes, 47 seconds[Music]

33:4933 minutes, 49 secondsme I sat there and desperately tried to feel what I'd felt as a child that all-encompassing sense of spirituality

33:5733 minutes, 57 secondsand belief I sat there for a long time but I

34:0734 minutes, 7 secondsdidn't feel anything

34:1534 minutes, 15 seconds[Music]

34:3834 minutes, 38 seconds[Music]

34:4234 minutes, 42 secondsremember how I couldn't stand school and I wanted to switch and I wanted to leave Israel well uh now I absolutely love it

34:5034 minutes, 50 secondsand I definitely don't want to go home and leave Israel I I'm loving it it's like I've never felt so spiritual my

34:5734 minutes, 57 secondslife I spent my first chabas in the Old City by the kotal it was the most uplifting chabas I've ever had in my

35:0535 minutes, 5 secondslife you feel this this thing inside of you like you're coming alive like something that's been missing you feel

35:1235 minutes, 12 secondsit like this is my home this is mine I guess it's your soul you know it

35:2035 minutes, 20 secondsfeels at home sometimes and and it's such a good feeling I don't know like now I need to

35:2635 minutes, 26 secondsbe home sucks because I actually was starting to really like it here and I got really close with all the

35:3535 minutes, 35 secondsguys so we're all here for each other it's like a fat house [ __ ]

35:4535 minutes, 45 seconds[Music]

35:5235 minutes, 52 seconds[Music]

35:5435 minutes, 54 secondscrazy come right here dance

36:0336 minutes, 3 seconds[Music]

36:0936 minutes, 9 seconds[Music]

36:1436 minutes, 14 secondswhat I'm looking and I'll be lay it down all night CH I'm Ching right

36:2136 minutes, 21 seconds[Music]

36:2336 minutes, 23 secondsby last time before I set sale on my journey you're you're coming back though you got to hold on four till I get back

36:3036 minutes, 30 secondsI will because of family problems at home Kim decides to return to America he sneaks out in the middle of the night without telling his

36:3936 minutes, 39 secondsRabbi that's it all right I miss you man I'll see you soon don't cry see it's okay I'll be

36:4636 minutes, 46 secondsback I told the rabbi sh that I was just leaving and that like I would come back when I could and that like you shouldn't ask me any questions so I wasn't sure I wanted to

36:5436 minutes, 54 secondsbe in school anymore it was driving me crazy and I left school for like a week and a half and then came back to school

37:0237 minutes, 2 secondslike on a very like part-time basis the beginning of the school year I just drank myself [ __ ] all the time I

37:1137 minutes, 11 secondsdrank and I was I don't and not that that was it I was drunk all the time oh me and us the masculine in Nel it was

37:1937 minutes, 19 secondsgreat it was fine oh I went through a little e binge also that was really fun that was the best stage of Israel is it easy to get very easy to get

37:2837 minutes, 28 secondssurprisingly enough like you find the most random drugs here and like just like throwing them at you we have 95 ecstasy bills you're like really look at

37:3637 minutes, 36 secondsthat that was my that was end of my drinking right there it ended two nights after that now we're not really doing so many drugs this is our new we don't

37:4437 minutes, 44 secondsreally do so many drug stage like so many people turn all turn OCD in Israel you're just like what are or like people start fing around people who are 12

37:5237 minutes, 52 secondsyears older than them and people land up in jail and other people you're talking about two specific people to be but like

37:5937 minutes, 59 secondsthose specific people were everywhere after hyen came back to

38:0738 minutes, 7 secondsAmerica we asked him to continue filming himself with his own camera back in America as you can see back to America

38:1538 minutes, 15 secondsSt sha is amazing I love her love her hopefully one day you know what I mean

38:2238 minutes, 22 secondsyeah I got really drunk the weekend I came back cuz had a lot of catching up to little friends here

38:3238 minutes, 32 secondsthis clown com we're doing a CP

38:3838 minutes, 38 seconds[Music]

38:5338 minutes, 53 secondsdance we next caught up with sippy in the winter check it out

38:5938 minutes, 59 secondsmusic itun itun louder in the second phase of the year

39:0739 minutes, 7 secondsin Israel kids start to get bored with all the partying and spend more time going to religious classes no one really goes out so much it's too rainy it's too

39:1639 minutes, 16 secondsgross everything gets really boring that's why people flip out cuz you're really bored Tippy yes what are you

39:2239 minutes, 22 secondsdoing right now I'm crocheting a CA and her classmates perform in a choir

Chapter 5: kippah yarmulke

39:2939 minutes, 29 secondscompetition against 15 other

39:3239 minutes, 32 seconds[Music]

39:3739 minutes, 37 secondsseminaries the room was full of nearly a thousand girls all spending their year studying in isra no men were allowed to attend

39:4739 minutes, 47 secondsbecause in Orthodoxy they aren't allowed to hear women sing

39:5339 minutes, 53 seconds[Applause]

40:0040 minuteshard and once again pray God to show to us

40:0640 minutes, 6 seconds[Music]

40:2240 minutes, 22 secondsand I'm learning s with like my a b it's like whether not how to keep whatever I'm learning one is that I'm

40:3040 minutes, 30 secondslearning about it and two just feel like more aware of the way you're dressed cuz I feel like that makes a big difference I'm not going to rush myself

40:3940 minutes, 39 secondsI spent 18 years not being religious I can take my time to religious should I sing it please

40:4940 minutes, 49 seconds[Music]

41:0941 minutes, 9 seconds[Music]

41:2541 minutes, 25 secondswho GL is

41:2741 minutes, 27 seconds[Music]

41:3341 minutes, 33 secondsJake started drumming with Hama a popular band in Jerusalem like we jammed a little bit on guitar and then that night he's like so you play drums I'm

41:4141 minutes, 41 secondslike yeah like are you good like yeah he's like how good I'm like what do you mean I'm I'm the best it's the next day

41:4841 minutes, 48 secondshe's like Jake want to jump for us I'm like all right fine you like practice on Monday remember

41:5541 minutes, 55 secondssimple on the beat chill with it don't try and show off you know just uh give a

42:0242 minutes, 2 secondsgood show and rock out

42:0842 minutes, 8 seconds[Music]

42:1442 minutes, 14 secondsguys all

42:1842 minutes, 18 seconds[Music]

42:2042 minutes, 20 secondsright have

42:3342 minutes, 33 seconds[Music]

42:4342 minutes, 43 secondsI'm not so sure if I if I should go to Berkeley anymore I heard like it's really hard to stay religious

42:5142 minutes, 51 secondsthere my parents got in touch with people that went to Berkeley some religious people and they all said the same thing like that they had to fight and fight and

42:5942 minutes, 59 secondsfight to like stay religious and it was really really hard for them one guy said the only reason why he stayed religious cuz he got married and she kept him in

43:0843 minutes, 8 secondscheck my parents are always bothered when I wouldn't wear tias they would always like threaten me with all these things so it never really wanted I never

43:1643 minutes, 16 secondsreally wanted to wear them ever but now I'm starting to wear them it's also a lot easier in Israel to

43:2443 minutes, 24 secondswhere it it because like everyone is wearing them it's weird if you're not wearing them last year I thought I couldn't live

43:3343 minutes, 33 secondswithout TV like I was like how am I going to spend an entire year without TV but like like I'm not I'm not going

43:4143 minutes, 41 secondsinsane like you could actually live without those things like I haven't I haven't been on the internet the entire

43:4843 minutes, 48 seconds[Music]

43:5043 minutes, 50 secondsyear would you ever want to live here in the future yeah I would if my family moved here I wouldn't mind living here like next

43:5943 minutes, 59 seconds[Music]

44:0844 minutes, 8 secondsyear oh my God I'm getting attacked by this fly ah there we go sippy has hardly used her video camera all year but she

44:1544 minutes, 15 secondstakes it out when she goes camping on the Dead Sea a Salt Lake between Israel and Jordan there's Jordan there's a

44:2444 minutes, 24 secondscampsite where'd you go

44:2944 minutes, 29 seconds[Music]

44:3244 minutes, 32 secondsis it filming all right check it out all right we straight sippy and her boyfriend doid

44:4044 minutes, 40 secondstry keeping shabas together just to see what it feels

44:4344 minutes, 43 seconds[Music]

44:4644 minutes, 46 secondslike time is Shabbat what time is Shabbat at 6 6:58 in honor of chabis D puts on a

44:5344 minutes, 53 secondsyamaka and sippy wears a skirt started college and then I dropped out because

45:0345 minutes, 3 secondsthe college sucks and I really didn't like it things were Shan up and like really Rocky so she got on my nerves and

45:1245 minutes, 12 secondsI yelled there I was really stupid and she broke up with me and she doesn't want to get back

45:2145 minutes, 21 secondstogether with me for now but I get her back I'll get

45:2845 minutes, 28 secondsher back I really just want to like go back to Israel and just like relax like that was a huge mistake seriously I really

45:3745 minutes, 37 secondswish I was there like even though if I was there I would wish I was here when you're there it's so peaceful

45:4445 minutes, 44 secondsand like no one really bothers you you know except for like the occasional whatever like the rabbis want you to learn but like that's all you got to

45:5145 minutes, 51 secondsworry about is just the rabis is bothering you about learning it's not like here like here so many problems like you look around and like everyone

46:0046 minutesaround you is just like working and like getting ready for life and what am I doing you know I'm just sitting here

46:0846 minutes, 8 secondsplaying video games doing nothing I mean at least if I was working like that's something and like playing video games at least I'm working but I'm not doing

46:1646 minutes, 16 secondsanything just wasting away my life right now

46:2146 minutes, 21 seconds[Music]

46:2746 minutes, 27 secondswe need to do another one looked away much of my extended family lives in

46:3546 minutes, 35 secondsIsrael I visited my grandparents a few times while we were filming sometimes I'd even help them

46:4246 minutes, 42 secondsprepare for chabas but I always left before it

46:4546 minutes, 45 seconds[Music]

46:4746 minutes, 47 secondsstarted while I was here I decided to try and arrange a meeting all right here it goes

46:5746 minutes, 57 seconds[Music]

47:0247 minutes, 2 secondshi uh Rabbi Kellman I wanted to thank you for uh agreeing to be interviewed I just wanted to confirm that we're on for

47:0947 minutes, 9 secondstoday at 3 I wasn't sure what I was going to ask Rabbi Kellman and I found myself getting nervous about the interview the last time I'd met with him

47:1747 minutes, 17 secondsI'd set out with the sole purpose of proving him wrong this time I didn't want to argue I wanted to see if he had any

47:2547 minutes, 25 secondsinsight into the religious change that happens here Rabbi kelleran isn't involved directly with the year in Israel but he teaches at a school that

47:3347 minutes, 33 secondshelps secular Jews become closer to the faith thank you he was just as intense as I remembered him and I started off the

47:4247 minutes, 42 secondsinterview pretty

47:4447 minutes, 44 seconds[Applause]

47:4547 minutes, 45 secondsflustered it must be so interesting to see these changes I mean they're happening all the time here green SP yeah and it's a huge percentage I

47:5447 minutes, 54 secondsmean I don't know what the hit rate here is but it's probably like my guess is it's over 98% I mean like the the vast vast vast majority of people who who

48:0148 minutes, 1 secondwalk in the door and stay end up making changes in their life making some sort of religious commitment your book has been really influential has anybody ever

48:1048 minutes, 10 secondswritten to you personally a number of people really it's gratifying I have an interesting perspective on that I get a

48:1848 minutes, 18 secondslot a lot of letters from people who say that the book impacted them mhm and I question how much it's really true why

48:2548 minutes, 25 secondsoften people are looking for permission and the book it it enables them to feel that they're not crazy for going in the direction they want to go but I don't

48:3348 minutes, 33 secondsthink people actually go down this path because of those books even though that's what they write in their letters they write things like you made me

48:4048 minutes, 40 secondsfrom and I don't really think that's true last year I was like I don't want I don't know I might not stay like I'll go

48:4748 minutes, 47 secondsmaybe I'll go to Israel but if I go to Israel I'll stay a couple of months and then go back but like now it's like how how could I ever thought that it's like

48:5548 minutes, 55 secondssuch a such a great year this year here let's take a look at the agenda ah buses were supposed to leave half hour ago

49:0149 minutes, 1 secondShak 9:15 Air Force Museum sounds

49:0649 minutes, 6 seconds[Music]

49:1249 minutes, 12 secondscrazy especially when you're 17 18 19 and 20 everyone's changing sit to sit and like just be

49:2049 minutes, 20 secondsserious and stop like stop running for just for a second for like a year stop running you'll be running your whole

49:2849 minutes, 28 secondslife just to sit and like think get things in order everyone needs

49:3749 minutes, 37 secondsthat I want like the independence thing you could gain from going to college you're on your own for the first time in college but what's different about

49:4549 minutes, 45 secondsIsrael you're like focusing just on your religious roots

49:5649 minutes, 56 seconds[Music]

50:0150 minutes, 1 secondas you can see we are in the middle of nowhere desert all around desert oh what what what's that

50:1050 minutes, 10 secondsis that an ice cream truck in the middle of the desert holy crap that's

50:1850 minutes, 18 secondscrazy that's insanity this just a mirage people not really here

50:2750 minutes, 27 secondsin the third phase of the year in Israel kids start to make major Transformations I asked Rabbi Kellerman if he could predict who was going to

50:3550 minutes, 35 secondschange and who wasn't after 13 years of watching people the other's patterns I was going to say there's one fascinating pattern when you have a class of new

50:4250 minutes, 42 secondsstudents you can pretty much predict which ones will certainly make the curve and actually decide to become religious

50:4950 minutes, 49 secondsand and and the criter that I found is if the if they're if they're extraordinarily appreciative people if they're very thankful if they have a

50:5750 minutes, 57 secondssense of a caret to they are going to become religious I have a theory about why it's true but practically it's a very interesting marker if you find that

51:0551 minutes, 5 secondsmarker in somebody the odds are if they're exposed they'll become religious hi Den hey Ariel I got you Jake what I

51:1251 minutes, 12 secondsgot you yes big print it's it's crazy to see what people do in order to try to make

51:2051 minutes, 20 secondsthemselves better A lot of people they decide they're going to stop talking to girls or stop talking to boys so one of my close friends she wanted to stop

51:2851 minutes, 28 secondstalking to boys Ariel yes what's so special about

51:3751 minutes, 37 secondstoday um today is the last day that I'm talking because why cuz you went to

51:4451 minutes, 44 secondsSeminary yeah and that's what they told you to do it makes me really sad that I have to do

51:5151 minutes, 51 secondsthat when you don't talk to me I could always just talk to you on the camera you know like hey have a collage have a nice

51:5951 minutes, 59 secondscollage but now like you're talking you can't really hear you so I'll be like like you're talking I'm going to get responses okay if you're venting cuz

52:0752 minutes, 7 secondsyou're having like a bad day God I'm so sorry it's going to get better if I'm

52:1452 minutes, 14 secondshappy if you're happy then if you're sad I'm here for you and you can call me if I want to go to the

52:2152 minutes, 21 secondsaquarium you want to go to the aquarium did you see that swallow that was the

52:2852 minutes, 28 secondslump in my throat that was the lp in my throat me trying to hold myself back from crying I told her like I don't

52:3552 minutes, 35 secondsnecessarily agree with the whole thing but I I I I think if this is going to help you grow and become better I'm

52:4352 minutes, 43 secondstotally supportive and she's not the only person that did that either out of my close friends that are girls probably

52:5052 minutes, 50 secondslike about three to five which is like a big it's a big thing it's not like one or two

52:5752 minutes, 57 secondspart of what I think Israel does is it enables a person to to take some time off and sort of bracket with with space

53:0553 minutes, 5 secondsthe big decisions of their life and their values so they can think through things so it might be the non- environment in Israel the fact that they're taking away from all this

53:1253 minutes, 12 secondsdirections that might be what allows people to make the change in the spring many seminaries organized trips to the concentration

53:2053 minutes, 20 secondscamps in Poland so I went to Poland and I was like oh whatever I'll just go and once I get back I can go back to America and

53:2853 minutes, 28 secondsthat was all I was thinking about I went to my Downing and it's on a flat land right so we're sitting there

53:3753 minutes, 37 secondsand we're walking towards the gas Chambers and I'm not joking I was wearing leggings tights four pairs of sock boots two skirts three sweatshirts

53:4653 minutes, 46 secondsand a coat and a hat and a scarf and my lips turned purple that's how cold it was like I was shaking in my like gloves like shaking like physically and they

53:5353 minutes, 53 secondsread a story about some girl who was standing where we were nak naked and I was just like I don't I don't think it's humanly possible to be naked there because I was in March which is past

54:0254 minutes, 2 secondswinter and my lips were completely purple girls were freezing like shaking people were

54:1154 minutes, 11 secondslike what it must have taken to survive is beyond us I feel like at that point I was like I don't want to be the same exact person

54:2054 minutes, 20 secondsthat I was before I think just having like time to myself and time to

54:2754 minutes, 27 secondsthink and Poland is just hell and I was like I'm going to go back

54:3654 minutes, 36 secondsto America and I'm going to just see what it's like to to try to be different like to try to to to grow up over America actually my mom got

54:4454 minutes, 44 secondsrediagnosis which was like I took it on cuz I

54:5554 minutes, 55 secondsfigured like I'm really bad at it and I hate it so God would see it and be like oh well you know that's pretty

55:0155 minutes, 1 secondimpressive oh my gosh look at this room here we have my skirts we wear these all the time sometimes we layer them up so I look like I have more than I have this

55:1055 minutes, 10 secondsis my new FY skirt that I bought for the winter it's incredible we don't wear

55:1755 minutes, 17 secondsthese These are s closet oh here we go this is a great thing we don't wear anymore bathing suits I went to the

55:2555 minutes, 25 secondsbeach and I I had clothes on it was intensive here we have Gap bodies they go over under all my

55:3255 minutes, 32 secondsshirts because I can't wear anything anymore that I owned um 3/4 length 3/4 length I can't even wear this

55:4255 minutes, 42 secondsvery depressing sometimes this is also not long enough you think but no oh this is here the second that you put on

55:4955 minutes, 49 secondsdifferent clothes it changes what you are because you look at yourself different in the mirror I have no interest in going out

55:5755 minutes, 57 secondsand getting myself smashed in town and flying around like an idiot and flirting with people and like having people talk about me and like I just have no

56:0556 minutes, 5 secondsinterest you get up and you realize that you're doing something different and it's not like I Fred out and I'm keeping shavis and I'm doing 16 times a day cuz

56:1456 minutes, 14 secondsI'm not but I'm so much happier like that's I really just got so happy in the last

56:2156 minutes, 21 secondsmonth at the end of the school year sippy decided to make Aliyah

56:2656 minutes, 26 seconds[Music]

56:3056 minutes, 30 secondsafter his year Jake returned to America like I would never not keep shabas now I would never not keep kosher I used to go

56:3856 minutes, 38 secondson a subway and and not wear yka and S because I was afraid like someone might kill me you know when I first went to

56:4756 minutes, 47 secondsIsrael I was set like I'm going to Israel so I could be very stable with my religiousness and then I can go to Berkeley right that was my whole thing

56:5556 minutes, 55 secondsand then then as time went on I realized if I go to a place where there's Not So Many religious people I'm not going to stay that

57:0457 minutes, 4 secondsreligious but like I decid I wanted to go to Queens because Queens just really large Jewish population in the hill all

57:1257 minutes, 12 secondsin Queens there's a there's a learning program and there's just like you're

57:2057 minutes, 20 secondsaround Jews a lot more and I feel like that that's really important everyone gets something out of going to

57:2857 minutes, 28 secondsIsrael everyone changed you know like 50% changed drastically the other all

57:3557 minutes, 35 secondslike but everyone changed and if you think change is bad don't go to

57:4257 minutes, 42 secondsIsrael you know don't think about life but I think everyone has to think about

57:5457 minutes, 54 secondsit after we had finished film filming I spent my last year at MIT and graduated in 2007 I was struggling to put the

58:0258 minutes, 2 secondsmovie together I accepted a one-year residency to work on the film at a television station in

58:1058 minutes, 10 secondsBoston I'm still close with my religious friends even though they seem to be on a different path in

58:1858 minutes, 18 secondslife my friend Esther got engaged a few months later she got married

58:2758 minutes, 27 seconds[Music]

58:3158 minutes, 31 secondsAI remained one of my best friends even though he got married and moved to Israel he went to parties and music

58:3858 minutes, 38 secondsfestivals and kept chabas while he was there chabis like done right like religiously at festivals is kind of fun because you're not smoking and you're

58:4658 minutes, 46 secondsnot driving and therefore like you're here and you're having fun but you're also like here and having fun also you know ABI was religious but maintained a

58:5558 minutes, 55 secondsconnection to his old lifestyle I visited him when I

59:0259 minutes, 2 secondscould during one of my visits Dukes was also there Dukes what's

59:0859 minutes, 8 secondsup unlike AI Dukes was no longer religious he had traded his black hat for a baseball

59:1759 minutes, 17 secondscap we talked about the role of the rabbis in the year in Israel it's like somebody with conviction of something

59:2459 minutes, 24 secondslike somebody especially with like a Torah conviction that they think the Torah is true and they think that God's work is to follow the Torah and the Jews

59:3259 minutes, 32 secondshave a special mission in this world to follow the Torah and to do his well you know it's it's not as much as a malicious type of a thing where they're

59:3959 minutes, 39 secondstrying to indoctrinate youth into uh a cult is they're really trying to to help people and bring truth into their

59:4759 minutes, 47 secondslives based on everything we filmed during the year I agreed with dukes the rabbis may have looked away during the

59:5459 minutes, 54 secondspartying but it didn't seem like like they were brainwashing anyone but still my friends had changed

1:00:011 hour, 1 secondpretty drastically during the year they'd probably been more open to change than I first realized and as a

1:00:081 hour, 8 secondsteenager I'd just been too angry to see

1:00:171 hour, 17 secondsit on this trip I spent most of my time in Tel

1:00:211 hour, 21 seconds[Music]

1:00:241 hour, 24 secondsAviv it's right on the beach and has a reputation for being a hedonistic Party City Tel Aviv was a totally different

1:00:331 hour, 33 secondsIsrael than the one that H Jake and sippy had been part

1:00:401 hour, 40 seconds[Music]

1:00:531 hour, 53 secondsof I don't know what to do back home in America my position at the television station had ended and I wasn't sure

1:01:001 hour, 1 minutewhere I wanted to go or what I wanted to do with my life then sort of by accident I found a website dedicated to helping Jews make

1:01:091 hour, 1 minute, 9 secondsalah if you're Jewish the Israeli government actually pays you to immigrate you get a free plane ticket free Hebrew lessons generous tax breaks

1:01:181 hour, 1 minute, 18 secondsand $5,000 in cash I'd always Associated Aliyah with religion so it almost seemed seemed like

1:01:261 hour, 1 minute, 26 secondsa loophole that I could get paid to move to Tel Aviv it's a little ridiculous to take New Yorkers to Israel one pair of fpfs yeah I really

1:01:351 hour, 1 minute, 35 secondslike these

1:01:371 hour, 1 minute, 37 seconds[Music]

1:01:451 hour, 1 minute, 45 secondsthough I shocked my family and friends by fulfilling the dream of almost every modern Orthodox Jew in

1:01:531 hour, 1 minute, 53 secondsAmerica I immigrated to Israel

1:01:571 hour, 1 minute, 57 seconds[Music]

1:02:021 hour, 2 minutes, 2 secondsbut not just any part of Israel Tel

1:02:061 hour, 2 minutes, 6 seconds[Music]

1:02:101 hour, 2 minutes, 10 secondsAviv I found an incredible apartment overlooking the beach and I began to work as a freelance science writer sometimes I'd even work straight

1:02:181 hour, 2 minutes, 18 secondsfrom my hammock

1:02:221 hour, 2 minutes, 22 seconds[Music]

1:02:331 hour, 2 minutes, 33 secondsthe film slipped to the back of my mind as I made a new life for myself in

1:02:411 hour, 2 minutes, 41 secondsIsrael but in June 2010 two people related to the film

1:02:491 hour, 2 minutes, 49 secondsdied the deaths prompted me to think about the film again and I knew it was time to finish it

1:02:571 hour, 2 minutes, 57 secondsone of the deaths was sippy's mother who had lost her long battle with cancer a few months after her death I

1:03:051 hour, 3 minutes, 5 secondsvisited sippy at her new home in spat a Hilltop Village that is the center of Jewish mysticism it had been over four years

1:03:131 hour, 3 minutes, 13 secondssince we'd last filmed her this is our album this is my

1:03:241 hour, 3 minutes, 24 secondshusband you saw I think June of my year in seminary and I made ellad that

1:03:331 hour, 3 minutes, 33 secondsSeptember this is me and my mom this is my mom giving me a bre up

1:03:401 hour, 3 minutes, 40 secondsbefore I go get married I was really freaking out at this point this is me having an anxiety attack this is me

1:03:471 hour, 3 minutes, 47 secondshaving even more of an anxiety attack there's my sister having an anxiety attack also and there's my mom very

1:03:541 hour, 3 minutes, 54 secondscasual you want to hold mommy's notebook here one

1:04:021 hour, 4 minutes, 2 secondssecond it was incredible to see how much sippy had matured she was 23 now and teaching in a seminary for rebellious

1:04:091 hour, 4 minutes, 9 secondsgirls who come to spend their year in Israel maybe I just understand them better than I understand like someone who's lived a very cookie cutter life

1:04:171 hour, 4 minutes, 17 secondspeople who are very extreme and have really like intense personalities sometimes tend to go in that direction and they're just the most amazing people in the end and it's a privilege in a lot

1:04:261 hour, 4 minutes, 26 secondsof ways to help those people figure out that you can be awesome and intense and not smoke

1:04:391 hour, 4 minutes, 39 secondscrap so I actually had a dream when I was pregnant that I was calling my first born who was a boy isaria and I've never

1:04:461 hour, 4 minutes, 46 secondsheard of that name it means straight to God or straight from God or God is straight depending on how you translate it and at my mother's funeral actually

1:04:551 hour, 4 minutes, 55 secondswhich was a month after he was born the rabbi gave an entire speech how my mother's message to the world was God is straight and that she never questioned

1:05:031 hour, 5 minutes, 3 secondsanything that happened to her and as she he was talking I was just like that's how I really feel like I got the inspiration from his

1:05:161 hour, 5 minutes, 16 seconds[Music]

1:05:171 hour, 5 minutes, 17 secondsname hi

1:05:201 hour, 5 minutes, 20 seconds[Music]

1:05:261 hour, 5 minutes, 26 secondslike 5 years ago hello well I finished College I got

1:05:351 hour, 5 minutes, 35 secondsmarried had a baby and now I'm in grad school I got married when I was

1:05:461 hour, 5 minutes, 46 seconds20 my wife turned 20 that night like a lot of people thought we were crazy for getting married so young

1:05:541 hour, 5 minutes, 54 secondsbut I it really really like it worked out for us we were ready we were ready for it and it's really challenging to be married so young and to have a kid so

1:06:021 hour, 6 minutes, 2 secondsyoung but like we take it on and we roll with it Jake was studying to become a special

1:06:121 hour, 6 minutes, 12 secondsed teacher when we caught up with him and his wife Nava they were moving to a new house we just unpacked the

1:06:201 hour, 6 minutes, 20 secondskitchen and all our boxes are still around there a living whatever dining room area

1:06:291 hour, 6 minutes, 29 secondsbedroom and there's also a huge Closet in here which I like but my wife said I shouldn't put any of my music stuff in but I already did

1:06:371 hour, 6 minutes, 37 secondsso we'll see I just set up the baby's room get a crib where she sleeps just like this year around the same time

1:06:451 hour, 6 minutes, 45 secondsthere's a blizzard I'm like we really can't have a baby now and then 5 in the morning Nava like Taps me she's like I think I'm in labor they sent two

1:06:541 hour, 6 minutes, 54 secondsambulances out they both got stuck everyone got stuck in the snow it was like a huge thing to get to the hospital but we finally got there and um and

1:07:031 hour, 7 minutes, 3 secondsthere there she was the baby was born and then it took a while like to sink in that I have I have a baby you

1:07:131 hour, 7 minutes, 13 secondsknow this is my

1:07:171 hour, 7 minutes, 17 seconds[Music]

1:07:241 hour, 7 minutes, 24 secondschild it was it was Kim who ended up being the biggest surprise of all he had moved to Queens and enrolled in art

1:07:321 hour, 7 minutes, 32 secondsschool it was there that he started to change everyone at first just identified me with like all the Dominicans there so I was like oh yeah whatever you know cuz

1:07:391 hour, 7 minutes, 39 secondsI'm like very proud to be Dominicans and after like a while I don't know like I'm not not Catholic or like Christian like I'm Jewish you know and I started like really like identifying with the Jewish

1:07:471 hour, 7 minutes, 47 secondsside and then I started getting like pretty religious like through being in like a very very non-religious place so then I started like feeling right I'm going to start wearing yamas I'm like

1:07:541 hour, 7 minutes, 54 secondsbut I don't want to wear like these stupid black y cuz like I want to wear like Maya kind of Y cuz this the first one I made that's my little signature yeah and like everyone's like shocked

1:08:031 hour, 8 minutes, 3 secondsJewish I was like H burit really like it's not even like remotely Spanish like yeah I'm

1:08:101 hour, 8 minutes, 10 seconds[Music]

1:08:121 hour, 8 minutes, 12 secondsJewish I was in like an elevator one time and like some girls like she kind of just asked something like what she like is that like a dashiki I was like no it's a yam they're like oh like why

1:08:201 hour, 8 minutes, 20 secondsdo you wear that so I told her supposed to just be like something on top of your head that like reminds you like there's always like something above you you know and like of course my Dominican flag got

1:08:281 hour, 8 minutes, 28 secondshave my Dominican yam Kim had just started a new company that sold his hand paint diamas and other Jewish related products I feel

1:08:361 hour, 8 minutes, 36 secondslike there's like a lot of Jews out there that like they can't identify with any of like the Jewish stuff you know like they see like tittis and it's like all right whatever to see like y they're

1:08:441 hour, 8 minutes, 44 secondsgoing not wearing like that like the way I was I'm like not wearing that crap I love Pink Floyd So my dark side of the

1:08:511 hour, 8 minutes, 51 secondsJew I know what I was missing and I know like maybe what these people can identify with with and like if they can identify with like some crazy like jewishly themed thing they would want it

1:08:591 hour, 8 minutes, 59 secondsand be like yeah this is cool hen bought himself a black hat an item of clothing most often worn by Ultra Orthodox Jews

1:09:071 hour, 9 minutes, 7 secondsso I always wear it like back everyone's like oh like it's not the way you're supposed to wear like it's very like whatever so

1:09:141 hour, 9 minutes, 14 secondssupposedly it's like like that like when you leave for your in Israel

1:09:231 hour, 9 minutes, 23 secondsyou're not just going to study for year in a different country you're leing so you can have some sort of experience so you can find yourself and people when they take a year to find themselves

1:09:311 hour, 9 minutes, 31 secondsthey're going to find something I'd started out exploring how the year in Israel had affected my friends but now the year seemed much

1:09:391 hour, 9 minutes, 39 secondsmore significant than I'd first thought I wondered if it was crucial in some way for the preservation of modern Orthodoxy

1:09:461 hour, 9 minutes, 46 secondsin America I asked Rabbi Kellerman what he thought about this Theory I think if there wasn't this year in Israel I think

1:09:541 hour, 9 minutes, 54 secondsa lot more people would would not be religious right or be Orthodox who who are from Orthodox families that that

1:10:011 hour, 10 minutes, 1 secondmight be what's happening and and we discussed whether the year in Israel could be protecting young modern Orthodox Jews against the pull of the

1:10:091 hour, 10 minutes, 9 secondssecular world now what you got is you've got the 18-year-old program is a medicine which actually resolves a certain malady in a very particular

1:10:181 hour, 10 minutes, 18 secondsCommunity that's what I think that's why I'm personally so fascinated by this I like the theory yeah I like the theory

1:10:301 hour, 10 minutes, 30 secondswhat I asked my grandfather who's a rabbi what he thought about this Theory there a massive number of students come

1:10:381 hour, 10 minutes, 38 secondsfor that uh one year and when they return they were very friendly to the state of Israel goodly

1:10:461 hour, 10 minutes, 46 secondspercent of these students were protected against a possible assimilation but given their love for Israel to begin with in the high schools

1:10:551 hour, 10 minutes, 55 secondsthey were not likely candidates for into marriage but America is a strange country religious people into marry and

1:11:021 hour, 11 minutes, 2 secondsthe year in Israel fortifies their resolve to remain connected to the Jewish people and the Jewish State I

1:11:101 hour, 11 minutes, 10 secondsthink like the major problem with today's Jewish youth is that they don't really care so what the year in Israel

1:11:181 hour, 11 minutes, 18 secondsserves a lot of people to is to make you feel like you have a Jewish identity so you don't go to college and and become just anyone else that's why parents send

1:11:271 hour, 11 minutes, 27 secondstheir kids they don't I mean I don't think they want them to get more religious really I think they just want them to be good people good Jews do I think everybody

1:11:361 hour, 11 minutes, 36 secondsshould go to Israel I don't know a lot of guys that went to Israel in Israel they were like coming like really really religious and then a year later they not

1:11:441 hour, 11 minutes, 44 secondswearing yamaka anymore they're not wearing tittis they're not doing anything religiously so like did they gain anything I don't know but for other

1:11:521 hour, 11 minutes, 52 secondspeople they went to Israel they weren't from at all all and they weren't spiritual and they weren't you know they didn't really have a grasp on their life

1:12:011 hour, 12 minutes, 1 secondnow and they have their head on their shoulders you're not still dating cha are you no C and his girlfriend dated on

1:12:091 hour, 12 minutes, 9 secondsand off for 5 years but eventually broke up like so much other stuff to worry about you can't worry about like girls right now so it's like when I get everything together everything is at

1:12:161 hour, 12 minutes, 16 secondsleast like moving forward then like I'll worry about it but like or we'll see what happens like it's not up to me it's up to God like if God wants to meet someone I'll meet someone

1:12:251 hour, 12 minutes, 25 secondsit's feeling how you put it on tie seven uh straps around the arm one around the like around the wrist around the hand

1:12:331 hour, 12 minutes, 33 secondsand then you put the one on the head and then you go back and tie the finger and retie the rest it's a bond it's you're creating a bond between you and God you're kind of

1:12:411 hour, 12 minutes, 41 secondslike attaching these things to yourself that are just like such a high spiritual level definitely centers me put them on you get in like that serious place for

1:12:491 hour, 12 minutes, 49 secondsdoing you know do you think heal would have been different if you hadn't gone to Israel

1:12:571 hour, 12 minutes, 57 secondsfor the year I would have been graduating college probably touring some strange African town and now I'm married

1:13:051 hour, 13 minutes, 5 secondswith a baby in thought religious teaching in seminary no I don't think I ever thought this is what I would end up

1:13:121 hour, 13 minutes, 12 secondsdoing but that's what life is life is about you know you have no idea

1:13:211 hour, 13 minutes, 21 seconds[Music]

1:13:451 hour, 13 minutes, 45 secondswow oh my God what the [ __ ] is going on looks great

1:13:551 hour, 13 minutes, 55 secondslook

1:13:571 hour, 13 minutes, 57 seconds[Music]

1:14:061 hour, 14 minutes, 6 secondsgood I came back to New York for my sister's wedding that's it now eyes at the flowers flowers like most people from

1:14:141 hour, 14 minutes, 14 secondsour community she had never strayed from the religious path greaty that's it that was a great shot

1:14:211 hour, 14 minutes, 21 secondsgood two and three

1:14:251 hour, 14 minutes, 25 seconds[Music]

1:14:261 hour, 14 minutes, 26 seconds[Applause]

1:14:521 hour, 14 minutes, 52 secondsit's in this block here see any semblance of like ordering this is pink it's going to be right in front

1:15:001 hour, 15 minuteshere somewhere I just I don't I don't know

1:15:071 hour, 15 minutes, 7 secondsthey just don't have a St it might be right there like in the

1:15:151 hour, 15 minutes, 15 secondsearth hi Mom good I just have a quick question when the unveiling beings when they

1:15:231 hour, 15 minutes, 23 secondsunveil a stone at the grav and before how long does it take to put

1:15:301 hour, 15 minutes, 30 secondsup a stone so what happens so right now I'm at Obi there's just snow and I can't

1:15:381 hour, 15 minutes, 38 secondsfind any snow uh Stone I'm at ob's grave after a year there's a stone

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1:15:581 hour, 15 minutes, 58 secondsyeah I'm sorry I'll just coming

1:16:001 hour, 16 minutes[Music]

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1:16:131 hour, 16 minutes, 13 secondsback on June 5th 2010 my friend AI who was one of the main reasons I made this film died of a drug

1:16:211 hour, 16 minutes, 21 secondsoverdose he was 26

1:16:341 hour, 16 minutes, 34 seconds[Music]

1:16:371 hour, 16 minutes, 37 secondsai's death was on my mind when I talked at sippy I've always wondered if people from our community went more extreme in terms of drug use than people from the

1:16:461 hour, 16 minutes, 46 secondssecular world I think people in the Orthodox Community have a lot more to Lash out

1:16:551 hour, 16 minutes, 55 secondsabout sometimes because once you're labeled as a [ __ ] for just hanging out with a guy then what's to stop you from from doing anything else if you already

1:17:031 hour, 17 minutes, 3 secondshave a reputation for smoking a cigarette of being you know horrible then then what's like what's the difference anymore and in the secular world there's still a major difference

1:17:121 hour, 17 minutes, 12 secondsI'm 23 and I have a lot of friends who have overdosed and I'm 23 I think that's pretty rare to know that many people

1:17:201 hour, 17 minutes, 20 secondshave died from drug abuse at my age I know all them have been from religious

1:17:271 hour, 17 minutes, 27 secondshomes we all reacted to oby's death in different ways I'd say that his death definitely

1:17:341 hour, 17 minutes, 34 secondschanged my perspective on life and what I expect from life and uh what I want out of

1:17:411 hour, 17 minutes, 41 secondsit my friend Dukes decided it was time to settle down and start a family these are the pictures of my baby

1:17:481 hour, 17 minutes, 48 secondsthat has not arrived yet hopefully she'll be arriving soon maybe in the next month or two this one looks kind of

1:17:551 hour, 17 minutes, 55 secondslike an alien you can see the eyes look like a little gray alien and um this is the most recent one

1:18:031 hour, 18 minutes, 3 secondsso baby's due in uh in March that's another month away and I'm looking forward to

1:18:111 hour, 18 minutes, 11 secondsit I talked to Dukes about the film he asked me if I thought I'd have become religious if ID spent the year in Israel

1:18:191 hour, 18 minutes, 19 secondsI don't think I would have I don't think so but I think that there's a stronger possibility I don't think there was a chance I would have become I think that

1:18:271 hour, 18 minutes, 27 secondsit's irrational not to say there's a chance cuz there's always a chance your religious upbringing and

1:18:361 hour, 18 minutes, 36 secondsyour family life different aspects of it really turned you off to the whole idea and it's really not something that you wanted you know and it's not something

1:18:451 hour, 18 minutes, 45 secondsthat you want but I believe that if you had gone to Israel at that time you know you would have had a different perspective maybe not with your family

1:18:531 hour, 18 minutes, 53 secondsmaybe something a different maybe some other cultural aspect would have touched you in a way that might have changed your mind you know I don't know I think

1:19:021 hour, 19 minutes, 2 secondsit's possible you know what one day you will come back I think you're going to come back

1:19:111 hour, 19 minutes, 11 secondsyou can you're not going to be able to uh resist it you may fight it for a while but

1:19:201 hour, 19 minutes, 20 secondseventually the very fact that you chose to do this story is

1:19:271 hour, 19 minutes, 27 secondsuh something you just you you can't get your religion out of out of your

1:19:351 hour, 19 minutes, 35 secondssystem you chose a topic you didn't choose to follow uh the life of a uh

1:19:441 hour, 19 minutes, 44 secondscrocodile or a platty puss or something to make a video you chose something that was

1:19:511 hour, 19 minutes, 51 secondsvery close to you and really very meaning ful to you so although you think you've discarded religion you really

1:20:001 hour, 20 minutesit's it's part of you and uh you can't get it out of your system

1:20:091 hour, 20 minutes, 9 secondsso I don't know if this is uh going to be a catharsis for

1:20:231 hour, 20 minutes, 23 secondsyou this I'm still the black sheep in my family and I don't think that's going to change

1:20:301 hour, 20 minutes, 30 secondsanytime soon but through making this film I've become more accepting of my religious

1:20:371 hour, 20 minutes, 37 secondsfamily one unexpected thing came out of my move to Israel I developed a relationship with my

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1:20:461 hour, 20 minutes, 46 secondsgrandparents I even joined them for dinner on some holidays even though there are lots of

1:20:541 hour, 20 minutes, 54 secondsconversation topics that are off limits like politics religion and my personal life we find other things to talk about

1:21:021 hour, 21 minutes, 2 secondslike their weekly trip to the nutritionist we come in and all we do is get on the scale Z empties out all his

1:21:101 hour, 21 minutes, 10 secondspocket I take off my watch and my ring she weighs us and then she says you'll

1:21:161 hour, 21 minutes, 16 secondsdo better next week yeah you know do you preway before you get we sure so you get on the scale before you go to the day

1:21:241 hour, 21 minutes, 24 secondsition in the morning very bed we can we have a hard time because the

1:21:331 hour, 21 minutes, 33 secondsweighin is on a Monday and shabas over the weekend you tend to gain a lot of weight and you don't have time to get

1:21:411 hour, 21 minutes, 41 secondsrid of it Sunday night we ate light but then anyway it wasn't good enough so we

1:21:481 hour, 21 minutes, 48 secondsgain too much weight so say we cancel and then Monday night we usually eat 12

1:21:561 hour, 21 minutes, 56 secondsbecause we have a whole week we have a whole week to lose right so that's the game we play with

1:22:071 hour, 22 minutes, 7 secondsourselves so do you go to classes like no you any so you really come to all this on your own yeah without any no

1:22:161 hour, 22 minutes, 16 secondslike Mentor guide or it's really just like your own it's just me and God it's it's good cuz it's real you

1:22:251 hour, 22 minutes, 25 secondsknow I feel like whatever I have is like really like what I want to do and really what I have I have no idea what's really important what's not like I just like do

1:22:341 hour, 22 minutes, 34 secondscuz like I do and what turns out is what I'm actually end up doing is like I guess what's important you

1:22:411 hour, 22 minutes, 41 seconds[Music]

1:22:461 hour, 22 minutes, 46 secondsknow Kim is invited to display his work in Manhattan it's his first public art show

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1:23:011 hour, 23 minutes, 1 secondthat's also why I can attribute everything to like Hashem too cuz like I know it's like not me sometimes like I know it's not me like painting it's like Hashem like funneling through me to it

1:23:081 hour, 23 minutes, 8 secondsyou know so it's like I'm like painting and making stuff but like I'm not really there when I'm painting and then afterwards I come out of and I look at I'm like a sh

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1:23:181 hour, 23 minutes, 18 secondsman nice of all this nice work all high Burk

1:23:281 hour, 23 minutes, 28 secondswith I was loving the dark side of the Jew like I love it like before like this one guy came over to me he's like oh man it's like Jew Side of the Moon that's

1:23:361 hour, 23 minutes, 36 secondssick I was like actually it's dark side of the Jew he's like oh better name he's like how'd you come up with that I was like what do you mean how' I come up with that I made it he's like you made

1:23:431 hour, 23 minutes, 43 secondsthat like yeah and like everyone's been like asking me about it feel like here's the real test you

1:23:531 hour, 23 minutes, 53 secondsknow like I'm going to like American America not in Israel Israel it's so easy like you see people like within a week they're like oh the most religious people

1:24:001 hour, 24 minutesever but if you ever take them out of there they're not going to be so religious for long you know and like me I like am religious here like nothing

1:24:081 hour, 24 minutes, 8 secondsaround here is Jewish nothing's Co in a city you know you got to really try and I like that I have to really actually try here that it's not like just handed

1:24:151 hour, 24 minutes, 15 secondsto me you know I think I became more religious this after I got married because I took

1:24:231 hour, 24 minutes, 23 secondson my husband's customs he's like very into truth he can't

1:24:301 hour, 24 minutes, 30 secondshandle [ __ ] for lack of a better word and for me I'm a very big extremist I've always been an extremist if I want to do something I want to do it all the

1:24:371 hour, 24 minutes, 37 secondstime like if I put on ChapStick I want to put on ChapStick 18 times a day for the rest of my life do you know what I mean like that's just my personality so when I became religious I'm like I want

1:24:461 hour, 24 minutes, 46 secondsto be so from and I wonder where did you know I want to look like those little women from my Sharm and he's just like you aren't you know it's not truthful

1:24:531 hour, 24 minutes, 53 secondsit's not who you are and it's not it doesn't it's not what matters so you need to think about what matters and then you know the more that I thought

1:25:021 hour, 25 minutes, 2 secondsabout it and the more that I had exposure to different types of people and different types of Jews the more my mind was open to that idea of like being

1:25:111 hour, 25 minutes, 11 secondsa real person and looking past physicality you have to be honest and if

1:25:191 hour, 25 minutes, 19 secondsyou're not going to be honest then it doesn't matter hi where's your tongue where's your

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1:25:341 hour, 25 minutes, 34 secondstongue there's times like where I fall religiously let's say I don't know times where I I don't put on to filling for a

1:25:421 hour, 25 minutes, 42 secondswhile like life just like it's so crazy I wake up there's no time to to

1:25:521 hour, 25 minutes, 52 secondseven put on the fing like to go straight to work got to take care of the baby got to like do all this stuff and it'll happen for like days and days and then

1:26:011 hour, 26 minutes, 1 secondbefore I know it I'm not doing it at all I'm not even thinking about

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1:26:091 hour, 26 minutes, 9 secondsit once I start doing it again and I can make it a priority in my life my life just

1:26:171 hour, 26 minutes, 17 secondschanges find your peace again

1:26:231 hour, 26 minutes, 23 seconds[Music]

1:26:251 hour, 26 minutes, 25 secondsit's real happiness that comes from it like it's true happiness it's definitely like a more

1:26:321 hour, 26 minutes, 32 secondsfulfilling life it's just hard to stay religious cuz you get tested like constantly you know I used to walk

1:26:401 hour, 26 minutes, 40 secondsoutside I'll be like oh it's sunny that's nice instead now like I walk outside I'll be like God man seriously that's a crazy Sky if you're being religious you really

1:26:491 hour, 26 minutes, 49 secondslearn how to be like humble and like really gain an appreciation for life you're just like high on life you're enjoy enying life you know you see a tree you're like it's a beautiful tree

1:26:571 hour, 26 minutes, 57 secondslike want just like touch the tree you know it sounds like crack down sounds like you're on drugs but like you're not like you're just appreciating life for what it really is it's a beautiful

1:27:061 hour, 27 minutes, 6 secondslife do you think religious people are happier I would say yeah probably they

1:27:131 hour, 27 minutes, 13 secondsseem happier yeah they seem happier cuz you have meting you yeah you have a purpose you know you have a real true

1:27:211 hour, 27 minutes, 21 secondspurpose and you know if you're following it you're doing the best thing you could possibly be doing you know you're doing the best

1:27:301 hour, 27 minutes, 30 secondsthing ever all day and you know that's a great feeling I mean if you don't believe in

1:27:401 hour, 27 minutes, 40 secondsthat then it's very difficult to find meaning in life I have personally I have trouble believing it you know I feel

1:27:471 hour, 27 minutes, 47 secondslike if I believed it I would be happier that would be great if I could believe it but I just have trouble believing it

1:27:551 hour, 27 minutes, 55 secondsgot me too

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